Wonder Bread

My nurse last night was a real winner — chirpily, obscenely upbeat. She starts off with Hi, how are you today and Happy Easter. Now then, Boston’s a big, big city. My skin is white but it’s presumptuously clueless to assume that I’m christian. I could’ve/should’ve replied I don’t observe this holiday but appreciate the sentiment, thank you. Ya know, something diplomatic but illuminatingly to the point.

What’d I do? I said nothing. That a nurse…a NURSE in Boston, fer fuck’s sake…would make such a flat out oblivious statement struck me as ridiculously self involved and/or out of touch with the the world around her. It wouldn't have bugged me so much, I imagine, had she seemed in any way interested in me as her patient versus audience.

My lack of response didn’t stop Chatty Cathy from barreling on with her word tsunami, of which only a fraction had to do with why she was in my room (to give me my night meds). Before leaving she asked how my day had been. I replied that it had been fine. I was not about to bare my soul to someone who, in such a short span of time, had proved to be so very self involved.

Her reply? Boring then.
To which I responded — No, I said it was fine and it was.

This morning’s unintentional (but life is ALL about HER) insult was that the iPad  (set up near my bed so that nurses can easily communicate with me via voice to text Notes docs) was that she finds the voice to text business annoying because of the typos. Gee, you incredible twat, how the fuck do you think I feel being deaf and all? I’m thrilled that Spaulding (and MGH) set these up and instructed their crews on how to use these babies. Also, if typos are terribly egregious and/or change the meaning of what’s said, you can switch to keyboard mode and correct your text. Not rocket science, ya know?

So, I asked my day nurse if I could have a different night nurse. I dunno if I’ll need to give specifics but, if I do, I’ll have no prob relaying this woman's spectacular I-just-got-off-the-Wonder-Bread-bus-outta-tiny-town-Kansas personality. I mean, honestly now, has this chick ever met anyone different from herself before?