Tense and Nervous

 I've begun the process of chilling the fuck out in anticipate of tomorrow's MRI. I need to be mellow like brie left out on a picnic table in late spring. You know, ultra soft—more like dip than soft cheese. A spoon will be needed to scoop me onto the MRI platform.

I began my tranquillizzante regimen on Saturday. One little pill so that I'd relax and sleep well. Same thing for last night. Today, MRI eve, I took one tranq on waking and will pop another before sleepy-bye. Tomorrow, one when I wake and one 30 minutes before tube time.

Possibly this seems excessive to you. Wouldn't taking long beach walks, painting, doing yoga and deep breathing exercises do the trick? Maybe...sure, possibly but I can't walk that far yet, yoga's a nonstarter fer yurs truly and I can't easily stand at my easel for more than a few minutes yet. So, I'm doing what I can—a spin on the elliptical, deep breathing ex, reading funny books and a little doodling.

I will be 99 kinds of lethargic after Wednesday's scans. It'll take a few days for me to get over my Ativan hangover. At least I'll be armed with up to date scans and ready to deal with the next step—radiation or more surgery.

I'm tense and nervous and I can't relax
I can't sleep 'cause my bed's on fire
Don't touch me I'm a real live wire
Psycho Killer—Talking Heads