Not So Wonder Boys

Cake with his favorite pillow—my purse

I imagine you may’ve heard or read about the micro dicked, cretinous, neo-Nazi, violent boys club Patriot Front, yes? They split off from Vanguard America after the “Unite the Right” rally in Charlottesville, Virginia where one of their wonder boys murdered anti-fascism demonstrator Heather Heyer.

Patriot Front is Vanguard America but with better optics (if not production values). For more laughs, check out Unicorn Riot’s Guide To Patriot Front’s Leaked Media Files

The Patriot Front leak shows members engaging in combat training, vandalizing racial justice murals, burning stolen LGBTQ+ pride flags, and making nazi salutes. The extensive photos and video annotated below also offers a fine grain level of detail about the group’s chapters operating locally in states across the USA.

In any case, this crowd of delicate douchenozzles had intended to terrorize a family Pride event in Idaho on Saturday but their hopes and deviant dreams were shockingly, given the state’s voting history and reputation, foiled.

Busted were:

• Thomas R. Rousseau, the group’s founder, 23, of Grapevine, Texas
• Jared M. Boyce, 27, Soringville, Utah
• Nathan D. Brenner, 26, Lewisville, Colorado
• Colton M. Brown,23, Ravensdale, Washington
• Josiah D. Buster24, Watauga, Texas
• Mishael J. Buster, 22, Spokane, Washington
• Devin W. Center, 22, Fayetteville, Arkansas
• Dylan C. Corio, 21, of Cheyenne, Wyoming

• 

  Our new neighbor (taken by Ten)
  

  Winston W. Durham, , 21, Genesee, Idaho
• Garret J. Garland, 23, Freeburg, Illinois
• Branden M. Haney, 35, Kaysville, Utah
• Richard J. Jessop, 21, Idaho Falls, Idaho
• James M. Johnson, 40, Sioux Falls, South Dakota
• James J. Johnson, 36, Concrete, Washington
• Connor P. Moran, 23, Watauga, Texas
• Kieran P. Morris, 27, Haslet, Texas
• Lawrence A. Norman, 32, Prospect, Oregon
• Justin M. Oleary, 27, Des Moines, Washington
• Cameron K. Pruitt, 23, Midway, Utah
• Forrest C. Rankin, 28, Wheat Ridge, Colorado
• Conor J. Ryan, 23, Thornton, Colorado
• Spencer T. Simpson, 20, Ellensburg, Washington
• Alexander N. Sisenstein, 27, Midvale, Utah
• Derek J. Smith, 24, Sioux Falls, South Dakota
• Dakota R. Tabler, 29, West Valley City, Utah
• Steven D. Tucker, 30, Haslet, Texas
• Wesley E. Van Horn, 34, Lexington, Alabama
• Mitchell F. Wagner, 24, Florissant, Missouri
• Nathaniel T. Whitfield, 24, Elk Ridge, Utah
• Graham J. Whitson, 29, Grapevine, Texas
• Robert B. Whitted, 22, Conroe, Texas
  

Seven Texans, seven from Utah, five from the state of Washington, three from Colorado, two from South Dakota, one asshole each from Arkansas, Missouri, Alabama, Wyoming, Oregon, Illinois and Idaho.

26 of these fuckwadian hurlstains are under the age of 30, four are in their 30s and one of the incels is 40. 

DUDES, you wanna play war? Feel like an underdog? You wanna play like you've got a big swinging shvantz? Take your weapons, insecurity and aggression and go to Ukraine. Do some fucking good, grow the fuck up, stop being such full-diapered babies!

They were charged with conspiracy to riot, which is a misdemeanor, and released from lock up. Their court dates have not yet been set. They may just get slaps on the wrist (paying their lawyer's bill will undoubtedly be more painful) OR win as much as five years in prison. I'll be surprised if any of them do time but I'd be thrilled to bits if, at least, their leader feels more than a little pinch.