Learning

In my last couple of months in college, I realized that I was gonna graduate with no real job skills. Hell, I didn’t even know how to type. Worse yet, my social skills were absolute shit. I hadn’t interviewed for any of the jobs I’d held in high school or college. They all came to me because I knew someone or knew someone who knew someone.

My college jobs? Waitress (god, did I suck at that!), candy girl at a movie theater, carnie during the summer breaks, fireworks seller (what a lot of Texas carnies did in the off-season) during winter break, art gallery stockroom shit and art school drawing model.

I graduated with a BA in fine arts and zilcho rent paying job qualifications.

Toward the end of my school time, I showed up to my father’s office—he was a math professor at the college I attended. I was a sobby, guilt ridden mess. I wouldn’t be able to get a decent job and had wasted his money (and mine). Daddy asked me, “did you learn anything over these past four years?” I was stunned—of course I had. I’d learned total tons but none of it would get me a job that’d pay my rent and food bills (or so I thought).

Too bad the college’s career counselors were snide, cold, condescending twats without a shred of advice to spare. “You should’ve thought about this years ago.” Thanks bitch.

In any case, Daddy’s point was that learning, expanding my mind was paramount. I’d find a job and then score better gigs. I’d continue to learn and grow.

I did.
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IF I was to be buried (NOT gonna happen—either cremate me or feed me to the fishies) what would my headstone say? 

Beloved wife and mother?  Beloved...sure, maybe. Mother? Only to cats. 

Some flowery snippet from Keats?

  Life is but a day;
  A fragile dew-drop on its perilous way
  From a tree’s summit.

Perhaps Bukowski is more appropriate. Here are three of his quotes—I couldn’t pick just one.

Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.

 What is terrible is not death but the lives people live or don’t live up until their death.

We are here to drink beer. We are here to kill war. We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that death will tremble to take us.

Should I have a few of my defining and endearing talents etched in stone?

Painter of nekkid people, annoying nuisance, cat doormat and emitter of farts.

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Iron is a chemical element with the symbol Fe. Anyone else notice that female is the chemical abbreviation for iron plus dude? So, this means that:

• Iron Man is actually Female, a woman

• All women are as strong as iron

Hence

• Women are metal warrior queens.

I gotta send a quick note to Marvel comics to let them know they misgendered one of their heroes.