Swallowing

I’m headed in to Mass Eye and Ear this morning for a Barium Swallow test. This, naturally, puts my old ceramic chemistry days in mind

Barium carbonate has long been used as an ingredient in high-fire glazes, sometimes conferring unique properties upon glazes. One of the alkaline earth carbonates, it has also been used as rat poison (large doses can be toxic to humans as well) (source)

So, I’m gonna consume something that I stopped using in my glazes due to it’s toxicity? Oh wait, this is a different sort of barium. I should be okay. I will be especially okay because, post test, Jen and I will hit Dairy Freeze for a big bowl of butterscotch dipped vanilla soft serve!

The week after next is my MRI marathon. Two sessions—the first is an hour or so, the second is two plus hours long. I’m stocked up on calm-me-down meds but still need to come up with meditative images and scenarios on which to focus while in the machine. It’s an open MRI this time—my extreme claustrophobia will be less but not *POOF* gone. The illustration doesn’t show it but, for both styles, my entire body goes into the machine.

My big fears are that the test results will show that I need more surgery soon, like, now. I’m just beginning to glimpse a return to normalcy (it’s still down the road but, if I squint, I can see it). I SO totally do not want to be thrown back to the beginning of rehab road.

If my life wasn’t funny it would just be true and that is unacceptable.
~ Carrie Fisher

Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.
~ Helen Keller

True but, c’mon now, I could use a break. I’d like to have overcome (PAST TENSE, dammit!) versus being constantly in the process of overcoming.

A good half of the art of living is resilience.
~ Alain de Botton

Who says: Hard times?
I'm used to them
The speeding planet burns
I'm used to that
My life's so common it disappears
And sometimes even music
Cannot substitute for tears
~ Paul Simon, The Cool Cool River

Fall seven times, stand up eight.
~ Japanese proverb

And if it’s bad
Don't let it get you down, you can take it
And if it hurts
Don't let them see you cry, you can make it

Hold your head up, woman
Hold your head up, woman
Hold your head high
~ Argent, Hold Your Head Up 

My barn having burned down, I can now see the moon.
~ Mizuta Masahide

AND to paraphrase and add to Mr. Nietzsche’s thoughts:

That which does not kill me makes me stronger, more bitchy (yeah, I bet ya didn’t think that was possible) and gives me twisted, dark sense of humor.