Today

Ten and I are headed in to Mass Eye and Ear Infirmary for a meet and greet with my next eyelid cutter. Why am I having more lid surgery?

It's that  leftover nerve damage from the brain slicing I had 18 years ago. My left eye doesn't close entirely which means it dries out entirely too easily—thus, putting my vision at risk. My poor dehydrated orb was doing reasonably well with generous applications of eye drops and medicinal goop (whose name sounds something like Eurythmics but isn't) and then I started chemo.

Chemo, by the by, dries the fuck outta me. I'm constantly moisturizing, putting in eye drops, occasionally wearing a black pirate patch to shield my eye from the cold winter wind and indoor aridity. Still, my vision is dropping. NOT cool mes amis, NOT COOL.

Sadly, the only way to protect my peeper is to have it sewn shut (or close to it). I've been told that the surgery is reversible. After I'm done with chemo (and no longer subject to extreme desiccation), my eye can be reopened. The problems?

• Most of my sense of balance, what keeps me upright, not walking into walls or random strangers on the street, comes from my ability to see. With one eye closed...well, walking will be even more of a challenge than it already is.
  

• I may be on the chemo pills for as long as five years. That's a long time to be rocking the lopsided cyclops look, eh?
  

Why not do the gigantic PROSE lens? Tried that already—me and that huge motherfucking disk are most def NOT a good match.

So, off we go to MEEI to have a chat with my next surgeon. Joy. Here, enjoy my glossy good boy while we're gone.