I Have Questions

What the ever lovin’ fuck is Marmite? Sounds like a small, possibly cute, rodent. Oh wait, that’s a marmot and they’re only relatively small (compared to, say, a Great Dane). Also, yes they’re adorbs as fuck.

Wikipedia tells me that Marmite is a yeast extract spread invented by a German chemist (on purpose?) in the 19th century, made from what's left at the bottom of beer brewing containers. It’s produced by the soap and cleaning products corporation, Unilever.  Yum?

 Yeast extract? What’s that even taste like? Chicken? Unseasoned tofu? Used mop water and salt? *ding, ding, ding!*

Delish tells me that Marmite:

…is jam-packed with vitamins, so basically, yeah – Marmite is good for you. It's stuffed full of B vitamins, including, niacin, riboflavin and thiamine, as well as magnesium, calcium, potassium, iron and selenium, all of which are essential for good health.

Great to know that it’s healthy and not some Axe Body Spray or Lifebuoy version of hummus or cream cheese. Who eats this stuff anyway? Brits. Why?

 I found an interesting column for fans of this seemingly unappealing substance, 7 Ways to Eat Marmite That Don’t Suck. Damned by extremely faint praise much? Also, Marmite spaghetti? //shudder// Ah...no.

I’m tempted to try Marmite (because I'll try near anything once) but not enough to buy an entire jar. I wonder why, unlike cheese, ice cream, hand lotion and cracker merchants, I never see apron clad Marmite brand ambassadors (with those painful, professional smiles plastered on their kissers) at the grocery store, handing out little yeast extract laden saltines. Why do you think that is? Is the spread just that repellent looking? Does it have an extremely off-putting odor? (like cat farts with a hint of blood pudding?)

Is Marmite the British savory coulis version of America’s wholly odious Spam?