Emotional Rescue

I had this song stuck in my head yesterday—Emotional Rescue by the Rolling Stones. Specifically the last chorus where he sings, I will be your knight in shining armour.

Jesus, if you look at the rest of the lyrics this is one hell of a creepy-ass tune. It reads like it was written by some moronic incel who has NO clue that women are actual humans, NOT just talking, inflatable sex dolls.

You're just a poor girl in a rich man's house

What the fuck? Mick is saying the woman he’s pining for is nothing but a disposable object to her new wealthy beau? Dissing your ex (and her new relationship) doesn’t strike me as a smart scheme for getting her back. Maybe that’s just me?

Don't you know promises were never meant to keep?

Is he specifically referring to his own promises or those of her new inamorata?

Cryin', baby, yeah, I'm cryin'
Yeah, I'm like a child, baby
I'm like a child, baby, like a child

Does any sane woman on the planet want to be romantically involved with a child? Remember I stipulated sane. The answer is no, no and, fucking well NO.

I'll be your saviour, steadfast and true
I'll come to your emotional rescue

Children are not generally known for their heroism, reliability or selfless maturity. Pardon me but I sincerely doubt he has the ability to follow through on this pledge.

You could be mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, all mine

And? Why would I want to be?

I come to you, so silent in the night
So stealthy, so animal quiet

So skeevy, so restraining order worthy.

I will be your knight in shining armor

Hard pass.

WHY was this ominous incel tune stuck in my head? Back in my hearing days, I didn’t consciously pay attention to lyrics. Having said that, now, when I want to ’hear’ a song more fully, I’ll look up the lyrics. I wasn't trying to remember the lyrics to Emotional Rescue. The line I will be your knight in shining armour was stuck in my head—even thought it was by the Moody Blues until consulting my ol’ buddy Google. I didn't recall the hit's heavy skeevoidosity factor at all—just the funk.

I honestly believe a lot of us want to be knights in shining armour...at least occasionally. It feels awesomely gratifying to help someone who’s in dire straits. Being someone’s hero isn’t always possible though. Sometimes it’s not even desirable. (see ex-prez Cheeto Brain—I’m sure that imbecilic, grifting blob of fluorescent weasel puke feels the need for a knight in shining armour right now BUT all he can get is a team of low rent parking garage lawyers. Karma!) 

Also, before I can be another’s champion, I need to be my very own guardian angel. Can't make Jen, Ten and Oni do all the damn work, now can I?

Here’s a much more realistic tune.

I, I will be king
And you, you will be queen
Though nothing will drive them away
We can beat them, just for one day
We can be heroes, just for one day
David Bowie—Heroes