Tune in, Freak out

One of my bigger fears—losing my mind. I mean, have I not lost enough? C’mon man!

Dementia is not a specific disease but is rather a general term for the impaired ability to remember, think, or make decisions that interferes with doing everyday activities. Alzheimer's disease is the most common type of dementia. Though dementia mostly affects older adults, it is not a part of normal aging. (source)

That last sentence puts my mind and heart somewhat at ease—that dementia is NOT standard operating procedure for aging.

In the first nationally representative study of cognitive impairment prevalence in more than 20 years, Columbia University researchers have found almost 10% of U.S. adults ages 65 and older have dementia, while another 22% have mild cognitive impairment.  (source)

In my current read, The Last Devil to Die by Richard Osman, the husband of one of the main characters is falling deeper and deeper into dementia. Osman paints Stephen’s decline so clearly and empathetically. It’s easy to understand and feel the fear, panic and chasm deep wrenching sadness.

Life is a crisis (a phrase from the book).

It is. There's nothing new and scary happening here—knock on wood. I’m not expecting anything fresh and horrorshow to go down anytime soon. Maybe I’m bummed in advance about this coming summer’s potential brain slice up? Perhaps I’m just feeling the weight of my collective, jam packed vida Loca.

Over the past few days I’ve felt as though I've been experiencing each and every loss, every significant wound as though they were brand-y damn new. It’s as though grief just jumped out of a dark alley, ran me down and stole all my exuberance and vigor. (FYI, grief's a sneaky-ass motherfucker)

Mind, I’m not in any way forgetting or failing to appreciate all my good fortune.

The fact that I had music in my life for 46 years. I completely enjoyed the fuck outta my audio system while I had it. Still…

I had 30 beautiful years with The Amazing Bob. I miss him—I always will.

Kevin Alexander Scott—now gone for longer than he was alive.  How in Winsor & Newton's oil soaked name did that happen?!

So, there have been monumental losses but isn’t that just how life rolls?

Buy the ticket, take the ride...and if it occasionally gets a little heavier than what you had in mind, well...maybe chalk it up to forced consciousness expansion: Tune in, freak out, get beaten.
~ Hunter S. Thompson, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

Words to live by.

And in the streets, the children screamed
The lovers cried and the poets dreamed
But not a word was spoken
The church bells all were broken
And the three men I admire most
The Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost
They caught the last train for the coast
The day the music died

And they were singin', "Bye-bye, Miss American Pie"
Drove my Chevy to The Levee, but The Levee was dry
And Them good old boys were drinkin' whiskey in Rye
Singin', "This'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die"
Don McLean—American Pie

Apparently, the heavy metal band Disturbed covered Sounds of Silence and it, according to reliable sources, kills. I absolutely loved Paul Simon’s reggae inflected version. A heavy metal one? Goddamn I WANT to hear that. Always disliked the original version—the sappy, overwrought strings were just TOO damn much.

N'est-ce pas?