Solid Gold Schadenfreude

For all those who celebrate, Happy Seize the Fuck Outta Everything Cheato Owns Day! Mind you, he may pull off a last minute save—that’d be all Hollywood dramatic and right up his gold plated plague-rat style.

I’m hoping there’s no last minute miracle…of course I am. One of the best parts of Seize His Shitty Assets day is finding out precisely how little he actually owns. Trump Tower, fer instance—he owns the retail and commercial bits and a triplex apartment.

It turns out that of the many Trump-branded or -associated properties, he appears to own just a few units or portions of a building, such as at Trump Tower. In most other cases, Trump’s name on a building represents a licensing agreement, a condition of sale, or the Trump Organization’s role as property manager. Trump’s only equity in many of “his” buildings appears limited to a handful of unsold apartments or common spaces — if any at all. (source)

What this means is that an awful lot of “his” properties will need to be taken in order to satisfy the judgment. How many of these apartments and commercial spaces are mortgaged to the moon and back? How much does he, free and clear, actually own? Not too bloody much is my guess. He’s been playing three-card monte and shell games with banks, the public, the IRS and investors his entire life and is about to be exposed.

We’re about to find out that the shit-stained miscreant clown who buys face-painting bronzer in bulk (applying it with all the skill of a toddler on meth), wears a girdle, has mega-lifts in his shoes and spent more than $70,000 on hairstyling during his run on that little reality-TV show, is beyond broke. The lunatic fraudster is, at absolute best, a thousandaire NOT a billionaire.

By the by, the fraud felon deducted his hair-management expenses from his taxable income. That’s some serious financial gymnastics.

If he fails to either secure a bond or delay the process in court, the authorities in New York can freeze his bank accounts or target his properties. (source)

I like the sound of Donnie Dipshit’s bank accounts being put on ice. I also like the idea of him losing his $100 million airplane. His Gotham crib too. Yeah, the one he claimed was 30,000 square feet which, in reality, is just 11,000 square feet.

Financial statements from 2015 and 2016 still made the claim that the triplex was the much larger size, and valued it at $327 million. But in testimony given to the attorney general's office, Trump Organization CFO Allen Weisselberg said that the apartment's value was overstated by "give or take" $200 million. (source)

So, his Fifth Avenue condo is worth somewhere slightly north of $100 mil NOT $327mil. What about his vermin infested Florida crash pad?

Luxury home sales in Palm Beach increased by 20 percent year-over-year during the fourth quarter of 2023, according to a Douglass Elliman and Miller Samuel report. It said the average price per square foot in the luxury market, which represents the top 10 percent of all sales, rose to $3,770. At 62,500 square feet, that puts Mar-a-Lago at just shy of $250 million. Trump, however, claimed at trial that his Florida home is worth more than $1 billion. (source)

Considering that the banks undoubtedly own more of “his” property than he does, I think Mister Art of the Steal is, pretty much, fucked and not in the way he prefers either—you know, forcibly and with barely legal girls who look like his daughter.