I'd rather be a forest than a street

I woke at 3AM in the midst of a dire bleeding cookie emergency. Okay, maybe “emergency“ is too long of a leap into Hyperbole-Ville? Ya know, a not fully required overampage?!

I had just the one—cookie anyway. It was good. I have no regrets.
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Who is Rob Schneider? Should I care? I don’t believe that’s necessary.

A brief Googling revealed that he was the star of such Big Hollywood Dynamite as Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo (never saw it and feel undeprived) and Saturday Night Live (a once funny sketch comedy show popular with state college frat boys and girls).

Rob Schneider ruffled some feathers during a recent performance at a hospital fundraiser in Canada.

The comedian was hired to do a set for the Hospitals of Regina Foundation’s Four Seasons Ball on June 1 but ended up upsetting the crowd with “transphobic, misogynistic and anti-vax” jokes.

“Everyone in the room was groaning, saying, ‘What is going on?’ Like, whispering to themselves,” guest Tynan Allan told the CBC Wednesday. “Not a single laugh at times.”
Allan added, “It was just very apparent how uncomfortable everyone felt and how unacceptable the things he was talking about were.” (source)

So, I guess Schneider’s another washed up, out of touch has-been who decided to kill his career by outing himself as a MAGAt.
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Speaking of not smart…remember ol’ Neuticles Gingrich?

Introduced in 1995, the NeuticlesORIGINAL® is crafted from FDA medically approved polyprophylene- not plastic but resembling plastic in firmness. Its minimal price makes it affordable for any budget conscience pet owner. Four sizes available. Created by CTI and crafted in the USA. (source)

THIS explains where that neon pasty white fucker got his name. Apparently he possesses a wee pair which are kept under lock and key at the Vatican by Mrs. Neuticles and the Pontifical Swiss Guard.

Is Neuticles Gringrich also of Russia descent? Nope—any Russian leanings are pure aspirational fiction—much like the laughable idea of him having actual, real human balls. Neuticles is of English, German, Scottish, Scots-Irish and plastic descent.

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I'd rather be a sparrow than a snail
Yes, I would
If I could
I surely would
I'd rather be a hammer than a nail
Yes, I would
If I only could
I surely would
Away, I'd rather sail away
Like a swan that's here and gone
A man gets tied up to the ground
He gives the world its saddest sound
Its saddest sound
I'd rather be a forest than a street
Yes, I would
If I could
I surely would
I'd rather feel the earth beneath my feet
Yes, I would
If I only could
I surely would
El Cóndor Pasa (If I Could)~Paul Simon
~~~

Breakfast cheesesneck.

I will never eat anything else for brekkie again.

Would you?! OF COURSE NOT!!!
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I love that we named sloths after their base personality trait. We should do that with other animals.

Like otters could be “frolics,” turtles could be “duck and covers,” pigeons could be “sidewalk douches,” humans would be the spam of humanity—Republicans and Tories in specific.
~~~
One time our home ec teacher showed us a ladle and asked if we knew what it’s for. And this kid said it was for holding up your bâlls on a hot day

I think about that a lot. But mainly on hot days
~~~
Can I have a Jewish wedding if I'm not Jewish? (I’m not)

I don't want to do the Have Nagila chair thing but I like everything else. Me, your pal the wicked fall risk, might find it in poor taste to fall and risk croakage at her own wedding. Maybe that’s just me being hysterically me again?

Methinks a meeting with a Cassowary (or as I call it “the Prehistoric Murder Bird") is in order instead?

Sleep outside