I blame the heat. Also anyone connected to or in any way affiliated with the Von Shitzenpants Criming Org—ESPECIALLY their little pet mob wife, the wholly unqualified legal ref, Judge Loose Cannon the Fangirl.
...Aileen Cannon is married to Josh Lorence, who (as far as we know) still works for convicted felon John Rosatti, formerly of New York's Columbo crime family, who now lives in West Palm Beach and socializes with former business partner Donald Trump. Just so you know what story our brave national media is absolutely tiptoeing around. (source)
Here’s the deal—I want whichever is the larger tot portion for breakfast this morning but don’t know which weights menu to order from. I’ll ask Jen—she’ll assuredly know. Won't she?!?
What actually IS for breakfast this morning, you might ask.
Sushi!
Technically, Sushi is a Japanese dish that features medium-grained rice cooked in vinegar, served with raw or cooked seafood and a variety of toppings or fillings. Contrary to popular belief, rice is the main component of sushi, not raw fish. (source)I’m not catholic about my sushi. I don’t need the rice or raw fish. Hell, it doesn’t even need to be Japanese. I mean…deaf here…it’s not like I’m gonna administer a language test or anything. Also, for what it’s worth, I don’t speak or read Japanese anyway.
Back to the tots though, when ordering a metric fuckton, do I get them as a side to my Mexican breakfast sushi (or Mexican Radio)?
This is an important gustatory matter and I NEED ANSWERS!
You may be wondering, what IS Mexican sushi.
Today, it’s avocado and salmon on a warm corn tortilla. Duh! For a proper breakfast, Mexican breakfast sushi is always followed by dessert sushi (chizcake with strawberries—that IS SO sushi!!!).
There’s a vast array of nontraditional sushi—not all are just for this first, most important meal of the day either.
Fer instance:
- What is South Dakota sushi? This is made from Governor Murder Barbie’s children’s slaughtered pets. Most often, she serves them up on stale, saltless saltines.
- How 'bout Massachusetts sushi? Lobster tail (always available meatless too) in a crepe.
- NYC sushi is spinach and feta pizza…of course.
- Québécois sushi? That’s Poutine—fries topped with cheese curds and hot gravy, naturally.
Minnesota sushi? Jell-O salad!
Almost imperceptibly, it oozes, or it trembles—depending on whether it’s cream-based, and depending on whether it’s upright after having chilled in a cathedral-esque mold. Jell-O salad can be whatever Midwesterners want it to be. But it’s probably for dessert. Decidedly, in other words, not for dinner, as envisioned in the mid-20th century.
For reference, it may resemble ambrosia, that whipped-dairy treat of the South. Here, Jell-O stars (unless it’s instant pudding). Cryogenically floating in it may be marshmallows or fruits or pre-made treats and candies, or savory things, like julienned carrots (but let’s not talk about aspic). (source)
Florida sushi? It's rock solid purse-dog poop on a slice of 20 year old Wonder Bread.
- Texas sushi? No food—just abuse and neglect with a side of dirt and more of it. I believe the Texas state motto is “fuck them damn kids” and “make me a sammich, woman. Make sure you use the good mayo too—not that spicy shit.”
- Arkansas sushi? Four dead and nine wounded grocery shoppers at the, appropriately named, Mad Butcher in Fordyce.
- Louisiana sushi? That’d be the Old Testament Ten served up on a crappy letter-sized “poster” to poor, hungry school children. n.b., no actual food or sustenance of any sort is included in the sushi served in Red State schools. Their goal is not to help, comfort or sustain the lives of their state's most vulnerable citizens. Nope, it's all about controlling us poors so's we don't get above our station.
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