Let’s talk about teeth

I’ve never had the most I’m-ready-for-my-close-up Hollywoodesque sets of choppers. Why not? I live in America where healthcare costs BIG-ass bucks and dental care is not included. Neither is basic eye care. Apparently teeth and eyes aren’t a part of the human system. They’re unconnected, sort of like jackets and shoes, right?

My teeth, over the long years, have become a bit crooked and aren’t a brilliant white. The fact that they don’t glow in the dark is totally fine by me. That intense, neon look is a bit disturbing and annoying. It’s hard to read a person’s lips (or attempt to do so) when their grill has the visual magnitude of the Sun.

Still, I’d like to have a nicer set of fangs, particularly now that I have a missing tooth. It's toward the back—a molar. At first, I was all about getting a post. Now? The process—replacing the missing tooth with a titanium post and abutment screwed into the jawbone—seems a little intense. I mean, I had enough surgery in 2024 to last me for awhile longer. I can wait.

I’ve never considered getting veneers. WTF are those?

Veneers are thin coverings that are placed over the front part of your tooth that look like natural teeth. Veneers can be used to correct a wide range of dental issues, including stained, chipped, crooked or damaged teeth. (source)

These are purely cosmetic and obscenely expensive. Veneers don’t strengthen or restore missing or damaged teeth as dental implant posts or crowns do.

The national average cost for a single veneer is $1,765,...A full set, made of six to eight single veneers, averages $15,486 in the U.S. (source)

A single post, by the by, runs anywhere from one to three grand depending on the location and complexity of the procedure. At least a post has a greater purpose.

WHY does all this come up this morning? Last night we rewatched a Leverage episode that had two disturbing actors.

One was Jaime Ray Newman. Why did I find her disturbing? She has the acting chops of a stereotypical low rent, daytime soap actor. Her performance was needlessly over the top and, seemingly, a look-at-me, look-at-me attempt to steal the spotlight (she wasn't a major character). That and, while her plastic surgeries weren’t as horrendous as the Mar-a-Lago set, they were abundantly obvious (e.g., the too big, too bright teeth, the pert nose that didn’t fit her face, the Botox). Considering the part she played (a horse trainer) Newman’s dyed-to-look-naturally-blonde long, free flowing hair was entirely wrong. It would've worked a treat in a shampoo ad though. She looked like a companion cyborg, designed and assembled by a 20 year old christianist incel.

The second unsettling actor was Rick Hoffman. He looked like Bill Griffith’s character, Zippy the Pinhead (with a mouthful of blinding, oversized veneers) wearing a mafioso charcoal suit with matching shirt and tie (very Rauschenberg). Hoffman’s theatrical skills were also on the ridiculously excessive side—as though he’d just stepped out of a party scene from the 1932 film Freaks.

Gotta say, whoever chose these two (was it the casting director?) ruined a perfectly fine episode for me. OR it's the writer's fault? To paraphrase Jessica Rabbit, I'm not bad, I'm just written that way.

Fuckers.