Maybe it’s just me

...but celebrity gossip mystifies me. Mind you, over the past 10+ years I’ve pretty much stopped paying attention to the big, ultra popular teevee shows, Hollywood blockbusters, and internet influencers/sensations. I find that I just don’t give a fuck about:

• Drake’s battle with Lamar. Are they rappers? Silicon Valley tech bros? Football players?
• Scott Disick (whoever he is) buying his kid a mini Mercedes-Benz G-Wagon (whatever that is) for his birthday.

• Who the hell is Bethenny Frankel (no, don’t tell me—I really don’t need to know) and why would I want to read her holiday gift guide?

• There’s apparently a reality teevee show called Sister Wives. Curiosity got the better of me and I googled it. ICK! It’s, unsurprisingly, some male harem fantasy in Mormon clothing. I really don’t need to learn more about god-botherers classing women as nothing but livestock and bangmaids. I’m guessing the husband is a tiny dicked, micro brained, delusional, christianist twit. The women—well, they have, most likely, been groomed since birth to be nothing but pliant, servants, doormats, and baby bakers. "Reality" shows are why I generally avoid teevee. Also religions (AKA cults).
  

• Cokehead Jr. says he and la Gargoyle will “never stop caring for each other” and they “share a special bond.” What a load of greasy PR rat shit. That bond of Coke Jr. and Cokette’s? It was their marching powder dealer. I wonder who got custody of him/her. I just can’t be arsed to give a fluorescent fuck.

• Oh, someone else I’ve heard of, King Charles. He’s reportedly pissed off at his pedo brother Andrew’s Chinese Spy’ Scandal but ‘can’t sack’ him. I dunno—the man's a motherfucking king. What's stopping him from cutting off his sleazebag brother?
  

I confess, this last bit of gossip peeked my interest purely for the Chinese scandal business. What’s this about? Has Andrew, like our own Prez-elect Stupid-Head, sold or given state secrets to an unfriendly foreign regime?

Gossip and trivia that would totally definitely grab me?

• What is John Scalzi’s latest crime against burritos?

• What’s Amanda Palmer really like? Is she as skeevy as her ex-husband, Neil Gaiman? Also, now that they’ve divorced has he/will he move back to England? And what about Season three of Good Omens? 

• Is Valerie Bertinelli still dating that non-celebrity guy that I follow on Threads? I just googled—nope. Oh well. It was a nice little fairy tale while it lasted.

• What is Jeff Goldblum doing since Kaos was cancelled? Anything? I mean, he’s not a kid anymore—he could retire from his tremendous and prolific career on a total up note.

• When is A. Lee Martinez coming out with another book? Also, WHY do neither of the libraries I’m signed up for (via Libby) have the latest in his Constance Verity series, Constance Verity Destroys The Universe? I mean, what the phantasmal fuck?

• What about the fifth Thursday Murder Club? I NEED my elderly amateur sleuths fix and I need it now! Did something untoward happen to one of my fave authors?

How am I supposed to keep myself from doomscrolling if I don’t have a steady supply of sci-fi, creative mysteries, and such?