Don’t Make It Weird

On this, you can count on me (to be the weird-maker, that is). If there’s a social situation that can be awkwardized, I’m your human. I’ll take home the gold, win the day, trounce all comers. It’s an innate talent. 

It’s not that I forget how to “people,” it’s more that I never actually developed the ability.

Also, 3AM is the hour for remembering and cringing over every single embarrassing moment I’ve ever inadvertently or purposely created, contributed to and lived through.

One of these years I’ll have evolved to the point of being able to laugh about my astounding social doofusosity. 
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Did you know? While pepper spray (and other self-defense sprays) is a good non-lethal way to protect yourself, it’s not free and clear to use everywhere. Fer instance:

Massachusetts: A license is required to sell or carry pepper sprays and gels. Only licensed firearms dealers can sell pepper sprays and gels, and those ages 15 to 18 must obtain a firearms ID card in order to purchase. Pepper sprays and gels cannot be sold online. (source) 

So, for protection, if you’re 13 years old, it’s best to travel in feral packs? Never leave the house? Get yourself modified so you can spit disabling venoms onto would-be attackers? Become a wilding barbarian – come off as too scarily insane to fuck with. Hey, worked, for the most part, for me!  

Here’s an interesting tool for protecting yourself against the masked, warrantless, human trafficking, bounty hunting ICE thugs, especially now that the Supreme Court has given their stamp of approval – there are self-defense spray that contain contain a red dye and UV marking properties. The red dye stains the skin and clothes while the UV means they can be IDed under ultraviolet light. My thought here is that, if you can get a cop to respond to your 911 that masked, armed, un-uniformed marauders are trying/have tried to abduct you, the perps are marked and identifiable.

Other ideas? A portable LED strobe light. Be seen. Make a big spectacle. Put on a fucking show. Get ALL the attention. Carry an air horn. Make a lot of noise. Freedom dies in silence.

AirTag yourself. AirTag one of your wannabe kidnappers if you mange to get away. Track those motherfuckers. Turn on Long Range Tracking (Find My Network).

Resist. They’re getting paid to steal your life – make ‘em wish they’d chosen to clean toilets at McDonald’s instead.
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Stinky’s new obscenely unqualified appointee is Thomas Fugate, a 22 year old who’s only work experience is bagging groceries and mowing lawns. OH, but he’s a BIG fan of the bloated orange pustule and an intern at the Death Star (AKA Heritage Foundation) so he’s, like totally, qualified to run the Department of Homeland Security's Center for Prevention Programs Partnerships (terrorism prevention). Right?

Jesus, this kid’s own hand probably friend zoned him. I mean, obviously.
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Today’s temps are supposed to reach the mid 90s. Here. ON the fucking water IN goddamn Massachusetts. To answer your question, NO, there is no god. IF there was, it’d hit no more than 72º at noon. I’d go for a nice walk, sit in the shade of one of our trees that hasn’t kamikazed yet, and then come inside to do my stupid yet ultra important PT exercises. 

Walking outside in this heat? Not gonna happen.
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There is no thing as a single-issue struggle because we do not live single-issue lives.
~ Audre Lorde 

Shhh. I'm seducing the world with my weirdness. 
~ Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing: The Best of Year One 

What dreadful hot weather we have! It keeps one in a continual state of inelegance.
~ Jane Austen 

We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.
~ Dr. Seuss 

I take it back. Make it weird.