The Fool

I was feeling pretty low last night. Health-wise it’s been a hard winter and our coastal New England weather has kept me, for the most part, indoors. I haven't been for a real walk in months and recumbent elliptical workouts are NOT the same. I’ve been feeling old and way less than superhero-ish. WAAAH!

And then I saw a news report. My winter could have been a LOT worse. Just imagine being Kristi Noem! She gets fired, her very much NOT secret boyfriend (and partner in grift), with whom she’s cheating on her husband, dumps her, the $220 million self promo ad campaign (which was a complete grift for her and her homely fuck buddy) gets exposed and is never run and then some tabloid comes out with the news that her husband dresses in bad fake boobs, hot pants and spent BIG bucks every month online with sex workers. 

I’m totally not kink shaming here. What consenting adults do in private is none of my damn business. If it made him happy – hey, party on! Question though – he spent $25,000 on sex workers? Maybe it’s just me but that’s kind of a LOT of dough.

He owned an insurance business? Is that a real money maker? Did that bring in enough not to sweat 25 Gs? OR did Kristi just do a lot of fancy financial footwork as governor of South Dakota? I mean, that’s completely on brand for her. Maybe the Noems come from big fat generational buckos? Did no one notice or care that $25 thou slipped out the door or were Bryon’s sex workers included in the household budget?

GOP Congresscritter Nancy Mace, Can Cop

Also, these are Republicans. Ya know, the party that’s so anti-trans that they want to perform junk inspections in public bathrooms. They scaremonger that kids go to school and are being, at minimum, groomed to become transgender OR *gasp* gay. This is the party that’s always going off about manliness and alpha shit?

So, let me get this straight, it’s okay to wear the clothing traditionally worn by women when you’re a dude married to a Republication governor and Prez Pedophile cabinet member, but it’s NOT okay if you’re an every day American who’s just trying to live your best and most authentic life. Gotcha. This is GOP logic for you.

Unemployment Barbie’s has asked for sympathy and privacy as she goes through this hard time.

“Ms. Noem is devastated. The family was blindsided by this, and they ask for privacy and prayers at the time,” Noem’s representatives told The Post. (source) 

She deserves the same amount of sympathy and privacy that she’s given immigrants and their families or Renee Good and Alex Pretti.

Precisely zilchareeno.

Also, her and Bryon have been married for 34 years. Is she trying to say this came outta nowhere? All of a sudden, after 34 fucking years together, ‘ol Bry started dressing like a Skid Row two bit street hooker, calling pricey dial-a-heaux services to get off and Cosplay Kristi didn’t notice? Maybe she was too busy boffing Lewandowski in her taxpayer funded $70 million luxury jet’s boudoir to notice or care. I only mention it BUT, with the amount of time she’s very publicly spent playing dress-up, it seems pretty damn clear that costume play was a big part of the Noem marriage. She's known all along and is only “devastated” and “blindsided” that this came out – that it’s now very public knowledge. 

To be clear, I’m not mocking Failure Barbie and her husband for his specific fetishes or their apparent open marriage. No, I’m making fun of HER because SHE’S a stack of hypocritical, fraudulent, thieving, ruthlessly self-absorbed, compassion-free rotting dead skunk heads, stinking to high heaven. 

Honestly, the only thing Bryon Noem has to be ashamed of, is having been Kristi Noem's husband. That and being a Trumpublican.

One other unexpected funny bit – the execrable Megyn Kelly quipped that she was glad Cricket doesn't have to see this.  💀 💀 💀 Yeah, Cricket and that poor goat too.