Individual Saunas

The sky's having a hot flash

I may have murmured, possibly whispered, the odd, gentle complaint about hot flashes before.

Yes I suppose I have.

What’s this shit all about anyway? Mia Madre never went through this (or so she said -- Mother was never comfortable talking about bodily functions. I learned about menstruation from the nuns. sigh). So, no clues from her. My Aunt Mary Ann is gone and I didn’t think to ask her 'what up' before she took that express train to Swarga Loka.

Luckily I am strong with the Google.

From WebMD:

   While it may be impossible to completely avoid hot flashes during menopause, there are certain triggers that may bring them on more frequently or cause them to be more severe. To prevent hot flashes, avoid these triggers:

 * Stress
(Jen’s noticed this. In fact, just yesterday, while quality checking a print order that was urgently needed but had been done wrong, she was zapped by a doozy. Luckily she knows to dress in layers AND there’s a shower where she works.)
* Caffeine
 (Merde)
* Alcohol
(My beloved Martinis and Jamison’s do more of a number on my system than the Chianti and Pinot Noir. Sigh. I hate being moderate.)
* Spicy foods
(What? There’s another kind of food?)
 * Tight clothing
(No prob -- my days of jeans that I need to lay down to zip up are long gone.)
    * Heat
(duh)
    * Cigarette smoke

Other things you can do to keep hot flashes at bay include:
* Stay cool. Keep your bedroom cool at night. Use fans during the day. Wear light layers of clothes with natural fibers such as cotton.
* Try deep, slow abdominal breathing (six to eight breaths per minute). Practice deep breathing for 15 minutes in the morning, 15 minutes in the evening and at the onset of hot flashes.
* Exercise daily. Walking, swimming, dancing, and bicycling are all good choices.

(This is where my awesome trike comes in. My daily ride, on average, is about an hour to an hour and 15 now.)
* Chill pillows; cooler pillows to lay head on at night might be helpful.

The Amazing Bob is surely going to wonder why I’ve replaced all his freezer dwelling Klondikes with my pillow.

Eh, maybe not. Just yesterday he commented:
‘you’re getting more eccentric with age.’

Yeah, be afraid. Very afraid. How long before the house is painted in lavender paisley stripes and I’m demanding carrot/spinach/garlic pancakes for breakfast? Em...wait. Never mind. Too late. Poor man.

From BreastCancer.org:

Hot flashes...can also be quite difficult after a chemotherapy-induced medical menopause. If you haven't been warned about hot flashes, a sudden severe episode can be frightening; you might even confuse the flash with a heart attack.

Joy.

Poor Jen’s done the Chemo Krump so, despite being scads younger than me, she too is going through menopause. I appreciate the company. I surely do.

Here’s what I really wanna know -- we’ve the tech to put a man on the Moon, computers on Mars, Blue Cheese inside Martini olives -- how come no one’s sorted out how to harness the heat given off by menopausal women? Alternative energy source, mon ami! Jen and I alone could melt an igloo on Ellesmere Island in February. PRE global warming too!