Television

Saying "I don't watch TV" makes you sound like an elitist asshole.
--Sherman Alexie

You know, I can see that BUT there really are some people who just don’t. They’re not trying to sound all better than the rest of us -- they simply don’t watch television.

Me? I only watch videos. Why? I find all those damned commercials unbearable. There’s def some good shows on (currently have Lost in rotation) but I have no problem waiting until they show up on Netflix or in the radically discounted bins of the local Best Buy.

Now, on Jet Blue, the airline Jen and I took for our visit to Daddy, there are little screens at each seat. Cool, I thought! I can see what all is current -- I am, generally, so five to ten years behind.

What did I find? Fox (AKA Faux) News on three different channels and commercials, commercials commercials.

Targeting little girls were Saige All American Girl and Bratzillas.

Saige All American Girl

Saige Copeland™ loves the arts and her horses. But when both of her passions are threatened, she turns to her creative side. With imaginative solutions, she proves that one girl can make a difference.

There are three Saige books. I wonder, which came first -- the books or the dolls? I’m guessing the doll came first and the books are a way to rope the parents in. See, not just a toy, a dolly. There are BOOKS. It’s educational!

Phfft.

And...American Girl of the Year? The fuck? There is NO quintessential, ultimate American girl. We are a nation of many colors, religions and ways of being. To say that some white skinned, upper middle class, horse owning and riding, happy homed little girl is the American female ideal is just so many tons of equine excrement.

I looked at the American Girl doll site. They do actually have a few brown skinned dolls but only in the historical toy section. All the American Girl of the Year dolls are white.

Jesus. Read Kiese Laymon’s Gawker post Our Kind of Ridiculous: Yous, Me and Blackness as Probable Cause, just for, you know, contrast and shit.

Bratzillaz Fashion Dolls/Where Glam Gets Wicked

From Wikipedia:

Bratzillaz is an American line of fashion dolls released by MGA Entertainment in 2012. The dolls, a spin-off of the company's popular franchise Bratz, were designed to compete against Mattel's Monster High range of dolls. Bratzillaz are witches with special powers that make each character unique.[1] The Bratzillaz girls are cousins of the Bratz and each main character has a similar name to a Bratz character

There are little Youtube animated shorts with the Bratzillaz adventures. So now, instead of having movies and cartoons spawning merchandise, toys for your kiddles to totally NEED, the merchandise now births the movies/cartoons.

That was totally destined to happen.

Also, I only mention it but Bratzilla? ‘Scuse me but the dolls all look like Madison Ave/Rodeo Drive shopping princesses with just a hint more imagination than your average Barbie. They do not, in any respect, look like Godzilla, The Bride of Frankenstein (OK, maybe just a little bit) or my vampire favs -- Spikes babe, Drusilla on Buffy or Harmony, the fanged, faux fashionista receptionist on Angel.

Christ almighty.

I guess the best part of this viewing travesty was that there was no Closed Captioning AND I could turn the screen off.

Yes, yes, yez. Bitch, kvetch, piss, moan.
Call Me Mister Lee -- Television