An Alternate Reality

In today's alternate reality, not only do I have hearing—I’ve got wings too.

Not those big foofy angel wing things. I mean, man, those must constantly get stuck in doors, particularly revolving ones. And think about dinner parties—invariably someone's gonna be stepping on your primaries and tall feathers. Ouch! How much of this does an Archangel put up with before he/she goes full metal Asmodeous? Hmmmm?

When do the they explode with ‘Step off’n my damn wings NOW and apologize. And make sure you do it all obsequious-like too. Say your very sorry or I’ll reduce you and that heinous get up of yours to twinkly, smelly-ass ash and fried sequins!’

Yup, you don’t fuck with them archangels. They’re fierce as all hell when pissed off. Plus they keep putting Starship’s We Built This City followed by Zeppelin’s Stairway to Heaven on the juke box down at God’s Tavern and Bowl-a-Rama. Mega annoying!

Back on topic though—why I want some wings. I’d like to zip over to Berlin to visit with my cousin Della and her fab family. Have some brekkie at Café Einstein  and chill.

Then off to Constantinople to visit with Hakan Ener—a Facebook friend who’s a musician. I’ve never heard him play BUT, in my awesome alternate reality I WILL!

After a show and a nice bit of Raki, I fly ever northward, I want to see the glaciers before they’re history, polar bears before we humans make their home vanish completely, I wanna see herds of caribou while I sing The Bitch is Back  (from Elton John’s album Caribou. Of course.)

I want to see the big, scary glory of it all before it’s gone.

As for those wings—if we can put a shit ton of tech into a phone the size of a credit card, SURELY there can exist wings with enough oomph and zip to tote my chubby arse around. They’ll be stylishly cute (in a nice shade of goldenrod with cerulean blue accents) AND they’ll be collapsible and removable. I can stow them with the coat check girl when I enter Le Club Chasse et Pêche in Montreal for a wee smackerel of dinner. 

Lastly, as I swing toward home and The Amazing Bob, my day of flying and hearing nearing it’s end, I cruise through New York to catch a performance by Ulali. If you haven’t heard them before you MUST go to the link or this one. Ulali is relentlessly, soaring, solid titanium beauty.