Machine of a Dream

Yes, yes, yez, I know you’ve heard me rant and drone on about the incredible, monstrous dullness of most cars on the road now.

YES, there’s little on the road now besides chunky boxes -- all looking more like John Candy stuffed into a too small Armani suit than a Porsche Carrera 911 on steroids.

And, didja know, Porsche actually MAKES an SUV!

This from a 2010 NY Times write up about the new, sleeker, lighter HYBRID even Cayenne model:

This Cayenne’s styling changes are subtle, but they work. The car looks more like a tall, focused European sport wagon than a hodgepodge melding of a family hauler and a 911 sports car.

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The 2013 looks the same. It’s not in any way less fat-man-in-an-ill-fitting-suit-esque. Even the glamor shots can’t make this baby hot.

And then there are the four door sedans. I defy you to show me any real, stylistic difference between the Nissan Maxima, Honda Accord or a Ford Fusion. They all look the same!

You know, more than the shape, the size, the snooze inducing lines, all the cars on the road come in the same very limited palette. Black, shades of grey, dark navy blue, BEIGE (gag!), tampon white and, when the auto industry’s being really, ever-so-daring red. Sure, sure, it’s not terribly unusual, though certainly infrequent, to see a relatively brighter cobalt-ish blue. Even more rare -- sunflower yellow!

The VW new bug had some good colors -- daisy yellow, metallic sage green, a pale a creamy sky blue and I once even saw a bright orange (!!!) -- but I don’t see these on the road much. Usually it’s the grey/silver or the ultra reserved, yet warm, cream color.

nice ass

Colors available for the 2014 line?

Deep Black Metallic Pearl (sounds way better than it looks. of course)
Denim Blue
Moonrock Silver Metallic
Candy (???) White
Reef Blue Metallic (it’s navy blue)
Black
Yellow Rush (like the band?)
Tornado Red (sounds more like a bar brawler from Southie)
Toffee Brown Metallic
Reflex Silver Metallic
Platinum Grey Metallic

Two versions of black, three of grey, two of white, two blue. one brown and, of course, red. This is how unimaginative the car creation gurus are -- red = sexy, imaginative, creative. This naturally means that red = canned, mass marketed excitement. I hate what they’ve done to one of my fav colors!

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Sadly, no blizzard blue, inchworm green, neon carrot, persimmon, plum or purple heart.

With the Smart Car, not only can you change all or individual panel color, you can also choose design wraps!

For straight colors you can get Tangy Tangerine, Don’t Look So Blue...Blue, The Gold Standard, It’s Always Sunny (yellow), Deep Sea Submarine Blue and, in the showroom, I swear I saw lavender as an option.

Bix

Falling Eve

In stock patterns, there’s Kite Flight (a scribbled tangle of bright colored lines -- like yarn fallen out of the basket), Kelly (a small, all over, tight diamond pattern), Skinny (a snake skin look), Zero (arcs of overlapping color), Continental Drift (a rich sea blue with a geologic-ish map appearing in a deeper blue)! Of course, you can totally go individualistically wild too. I could get Falling Eve wrapped around Bix.

Yes, this costs $$$, bucks I don’t have to spare right now but it’s awesome to know I’ve the option.

One more, smaller yet cool and even affordable option is that I can change the Tridion color. It’s now black on a metallic light blue body. For $199ish I could turn the black into Tangy Tangerine.

Christmas prezzie -- I’m thinking Christmas.

Why are there such few choices? Is it the manufacturers or the customers? That is, is there no demand or insufficient demand for interesting colors so the makers don’t make ‘em?

Yeah, I expect that’s the case.

All I can say is ‘what the fuck’s up with that?’ We are all way more interesting than beige, white and grey. We’re all more creative, oh yes we are, than having just one choice of ‘creative’ color (red).

Let your freak flags fly! Grab your expression and go. Drive an orange and rose polka dotted SUV. Be seen in a purple and cranberry pinstriped sedan. Fly down the ‘pike in your canary yellow with cerulean blue trimmed station wagon!

Oh yeah, all that costs serious cheddar.

What a vicious circle we’re in -- manufacturers won’t make fun colored, sleeker, more interesting cars because too few buyers are willing to stand out and proud from the herd. So, the cool options aren’t there for the rest of us AND the timid sorts never get buoyed from being surrounded by the free-spirited self expression set.

Bloody sad, I tell ya! And, I want a job as car color namer. The VW names all sound like the marketeers had a martini or three before their creative session began.
Queen -- I'm In Love With My Car