It's Not Your Brain, It's Just The Flame

I am so spectacularly uncool when meeting famous folk that you’d think my self-confidence and awareness levels got locked in at 13.

Or rather, my utter, complete lack of said levels.

Let me give you an example or five of what I mean when I say ‘famous.’ I’m not talking Liz Taylor, Madonna, Michael Jackson or Elvis. No, no, no mon frere, I’m talkin’ ‘bout folks who I’m all impressed with. Like the late great Mark Sandman of Morphine and Treat Her Right fame. I’m referring to Rich Gilbert of Concussion Ensemble (greatest band EVAH!), The Zulus, Human Sexual Response and more (the man IS god of the guitar). Tom Lehrer and Hodding Carter (who?)

We’ll start with Mister Hodding Carter III. He was a journalist, civil rights activist, Assistant Secretary of State for Public Affairs during Jimmy Carter’s presidency and served as spokesman for the Department of State during the Iran hostage crisis. He was also a high school classmate of my father’s. In 2003 I accompanied my father to his 50th high school class reunion and got to meet this very impressive man.

Feature this, Daddy knew I was wild about all things Carter (both Hodding and Jimmy) so made sure to find a moment to chat with his old school chum. Very nice, très thoughtful, much appreciated. After my father made the introduction, Mr. Carter said some pleasant thing or another to me and then, THEN it was my turn to offer up some social meet ‘n’ greet nicety.

I was able to squeak out something just terribly eloquent like ‘Hey man,’ before hiding behind my father like some painfully shy five year old.

Yeah, a real proud moment for me.

Next there’s Rich Gilbert. He was a local musician so odds were I’d run into him up close and personal somewhere/sometime and I did. This happened at the Tower Records that used to be located just up the street from where I worked in Boston’s Back Bay. The store was huge² -- four stories of fab (gone now). I saw him near the check out in the rock section and thought ‘hey, I’m gonna go over and say hello, introduce myself and tell him how much I love his playing.’ Great plan, eh? I went over, got ‘love yur music, man’ out of my mouth before being struck dumb by my own doofusosity. I believe I just stood there, staring up at him in all his Guitar Godhood, murmuring ‘wow, Rich Gilbert. wow.’

Christ on a D'Addario EJ16-3D Phosphor Bronze Light Acoustic Guitar String, I’m such a starstruck spaz.

I did learn my lesson...eventually and only after embarrassing myself with Tom Lehrer and a bunch of other famous-for-folk-music types

 I was sitting in some total dive bar near North Station -- the tiny place had wickedly tatty, old, red flocked wall paper, nasty, torn, black vinyl bar stools, with orange neon flashing in the thin windows from the check cashing hole below. On the other side of the glass the D Train rumbled by on the elevated trolly line. This was a joint straight out of a Mickey Spillane pulp.

From the corner of my eye, I spied an interestingly handsome dude take the stool two down from me. I snitched a slightly bulkier gander and saw that, yup, it was the headlining band’s lead singer and prime mover -- Mark Sandman of Morphine.
(This was before they’d made it internationally big-ish)

I was in a state of major league awe but straight up knew, from past experience, that I’d resolve into a gibbering hot mess if I attempted speech. So I didn’t. I sat there, taking long drags on my Benson and Hedges and pulls from my bottle of Harpoon while sneaking longer and longer gazes at one of my musical idols.

I was attempting to seem cool and aloof. Undoubtedly fooling no one, especially not me.

Fame -- David Bowie
Yes, that’s David Bowie, a dude so pale he could make Malevich’s White on White look tan, back in the mid ‘70s crooning his tune on Soul Train.

And, didya know, John Lennon did the backing vocals. Yes indeedy, that’s him on the album and, investigative wonder that I am, here’s a YouTube clip of them performing this together...acoustic!  
You’re welcome.