When Black Friday Comes

When black Friday comes, I'm gonna dig myself a hole
Gonna lay down in it 'til I satisfy my soul
Gonna let the world pass by me, the Archbishop's gonna sanctify me
And if he don't come across I'm gonna let it roll

When black Friday comes, I'm gonna stake my claim
I'll guess I'll change my name

 Steely Dan -- Black Friday

Black Friday -- what an ominous, threatening and utter bullshit way to hype a corporate created sales event! Give it a bleak name, create hysteria amongst the populace, instill a deep sense of abject NEED for MORE crap and make the rubes feel they’ve survived something big -- you know, like the Disneyland version of war.

Horrific but totes necessary and kinda fun too, eh?! We survived! Bring on the Cheesecake Factory zillion calorie reward meal!

This day, filled with its obscene avaricious excesses has nothing to do with thankfulness for all that we ALREADY have, it has nothing to do with Hope’s turkey, The Amazing Bob’s mashed yams, Paul and Susan’s apple pies or my sad attempts at pecan pie.

As ShockandAwed of Daily Kos saliently and unsparingly wrote:

This, of all days, is a bastardization of the very notion of a holiday.
Capitalism gone mad: trampling, assaults, pepper spray, arrests, extreme debt, zombie shopping.

The original intension and meaning of this day?

From Wikipedia:

...an annual tradition since 1863, when, during the Civil War, President Abraham Lincoln proclaimed a national day of "Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens", to be celebrated on Thursday, November 26.

From Thanksgiving.org:

Much like the annual harvest festivals celebrated in other countries throughout the world, Thanksgiving Day was meant to pay our homage to the Almighty for this bountiful harvest.

While I'm def thankful for the glorious harvest, I’m a confirmed agnostic. My celebration is about enjoying time with loved ones. Too bad I can’t get them all together under one roof, in one country, at one time. Wouldn’t that be wickedly tremendous?!

Em, mebbe not -- I doubt they’d all love each other quite as much as I love each of them. Possibly.

In any case, somewhere along the line, Thanksgiving became the official kick off for the Christmas shopping season. The day after Thanksgiving mutated into The Biggest Shopping Day of the Year™-- Black Friday.

Instead of staying at or around home, attempting to digest the previous day’s big meal, picking at leftovers, playing Scrabble, watching old eps of Buffy or having another viewing of The Princess Bride (never gets old!) everyone’s out frantically, manically, rapaciously buying/consuming/adding skid marks to their Master Cards so they can have 42” flat screen TVs, dozens of Blu-ray discs, fondue pots, iPads and laptops.

Stuff equals happiness...right? Nothing says ‘I love my family and friends’ more than fighting your fellow man, as though it was the Battle of Gettysburg, to get to the television department of Walmart first, first, FIRST. 

Buying your family loads of random crap expresses your deep love and passion most sincerely.

Right?

Fuck that shit with a giant, moldy, stale baguette!

You know what’s THE best present? Time.

Spend a day, an afternoon with your dear friend who you don’t get to see anywhere near often enough.

Have lunch with your mother/father.

Take your sister out for a nice cuppa Chianti and a plate of calamari.

Go walk on the beach/in the forest/through Central Park with your BFF.

Write a long letter/email to your fav niece, telling her exactly why you love her so much.

The spouse -- make (or order in) a meal that they’ll just adore and then don’t nag about how bad it is for their cholesterol/weight/skin or how icky it looks or smells. Then play a round or 6 of Scrabble or whatever your fav game is.

Hell, just BE together.

Enjoy one another and be thankful you have such amazing people in your life.

Dammit!