Searing, long play hot flashes AND extended arctic cold flashes both in one night. Back to back? Seriously? Who invented this menopause shit anyway? It’s got some absolutely vile glitches. Johnny Storm, the Human Torch:The Silver Surfer -- geez what a babe!
Following his sister, Johnny joined scientist Reed Richards and pilot Ben Grimm on an unauthorized space flight. Riddled with cosmic radiation, Johnny transformed into a flaming monster when the flight crashed back to earth. Calling himself Human Torch in tribute to the World War II era hero of the same name, the youthful Johnny found new adventure as part of the Fantastic Four, proving to be an invaluable if somewhat volatile member of the team.
The Silver Surfer:
Originally a young astronomer named Norrin Radd on the planet Zenn-La, he saved his homeworld from the planet devourer, Galactus, by serving as his herald. Imbued in return with a tiny portion of Galactus's Power Cosmic, Radd acquired vast power, a new body and a surfboard-like craft on which he could travel faster than light. Now known as the Silver Surfer, Radd roamed the cosmos searching for planets for Galactus to consume. When his travels took him to Earth, he met the Fantastic Four, a team of powerful superheroes who helped him rediscover his humanity and nobility of spirit. Betraying Galactus, the Surfer saved Earth but was exiled there as punishment.
And a philosopher too.
They long for peace, yet gird for war! They search for love, yet harbor hate! If man is sane... then the universe is steeped in madness!
I wonder, what would happen if Surfer and Torch went on an, ahem, date. At the grand, big moment, la petite mort, would they cancel each other out? Flames would extinguish? Ice would melt and evaporate? Would there be anything left of them?
Maybe just a couple of George Costanzas sitting on the couch, poppin’ some brews, watching the game.
How anticlimactic.
On investigation, I found the issue where they met and battled. I think I need to know more. Available now on ebay for the low, low price of $99.99
Ah, nevermind.
Wouldn’t it have made more sense for The Human Torch to be a middle aged woman? Maybe that’s just too much realism for the comics.
Seriously though, imagine the awesome, fearsome combined capabilities of a Fantastic Four of hot/cold flashing, sleep deprived, overworked cranky babes.
Hell, we could rule the world! Or, possibly, overheat it in our search for Italian roast coffee, cosmos, an air conditioner that simulates the arctic in January and a blanket woven from the wool of sheep who dined only on jalapeño infused clover.
In the inevitable big Hollywood blockbuster, I will be played by Monica Bellucci. Why? Why not -- that's why! Jen will be played by Salma Hayek because one of us should get to be her.
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