Eight Handy Dandy Communication Tips

I’ve recently met a couple of other Nf2ers on line. You know, it’s mega awesome to find fellow travelers. Before bumping into Dan and Ken, I didn’t know anyone outside my own family who rocked what I’ve always thought of as the family curse. (always followed by molto dramatic, scary da-da-dun music. Of course)

Neurofibromatosis 2 affects about 1 in 40,000 people without regard to sex or race. Patients with NF2 develop tumors throughout the body and must cope with a variety of neurological problems.

Only one in 40,000 people win the lucky Nf2 prize. Hmmph -- OF COURSE I’ve not met others!
In any case, Ken, Dan and I are deaf now and that, mon ami, puts our shared communication hurdles in mind.

I’ve written tips and kvetches re: communicating with deafies before (here and here) but here're eight handy dandy tips just in case you missed out.

1. Get the my attention before commencing with the communication.
Can you get eye contact? Are you able to catch the deafie's eye? If not, give us a wave. No, you don’t have to break out your semaphore flags though that’d be effective and a fun touch. A simple wave hello, done within sight range is what I’m talkin’ about.

If that doesn’t work, try LIGHTLY, gently tapping a person’s shoulder. Touch can be a complicated thing. That is, I don’t like surprise physical contact. I startle easily. Unexpected touch feels intrusive but what can be done? You could have the Rockettes kick by but that might not be within your budget, eh?

2. My eyes to your eyes.
Put your eyes on the same level as mine/your deafie’s. Sit, stand, recline on the next divan. Be sure there’s a bit more room between us than when you’re speaking to a hearing person (3-4 feet’s good). Why? I need to focus on your whole face -- I’m reading your lips but your facial expressions and gestures help float the message.

3. Don’t stand with the sun behind you if outside or a lit lamp behind you if inside. Backlighting’s awesomely dramatic but. looky looky, I can’t see your face.

4. Speak in a normal voice and tone.
Not too loud and not too soft. Warum? Volume extremes distort your lip shapes which puts an added suck challenge into the already difficult task of lipreading. Similarly, don’t overpronounce -- don’t try to, essentially, make your lip movements big and bold. All this does is distort the words so I’ve NO fecking clue as to what you’re saying.

5. Give me the subject of what you’re trying to communicate in the first, the opening stanza. Just the gist is swell.  ‘The Chamber of Commerce name badges -- let’s chat.’

Once I have a clue, it’s easier for me to follow the rest of what you’ve got. AND don't change the subject suddenly.
Even the best lip readers understand just around 35 percent and guess the rest from context.

6. Use a few gestures. 
Give us some visual cues. Point to or hold up any items that you're talking about, then wait to see if I understood what you’ve ‘said’ with the cue. Store clerks do this with me all the time and, boyhowdy, it’s effective.

7. Be kind! 
Don't ever, NEVAH make jokes about about my hearing, the lack thereof. And, if I’m having a tough time following what you’re saying DO NOT give me the  "oh, never mind.” Write a few key words down -- that’s usually enough. You don’t have to put your full dissertation on paper. Sheesh. And chill, bitte. This ain’t easy for me either and, babe, I’m workin’ my ass off trying to understand!

8. Learn some damn sign language!
 Even if all you can grasp is finger spelling -- do it, do it, DO IT!

'There is nothing permanent except change.'
Heraclitus

'The key to change... is to let go of fear.'
Roseanne Cash

'The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.'
Alan Watts