Plastic

There seems to be a spate of gushing, breathless “Oh just LOOK who’s had plastic surgery" posts on line of late. I find them truly annoying. Is anyone really shocked or amazed that Joan Rivers or Cher or Pamela Anderson had surgery?

Pamela Anderson has copped to having several boob jobs over the years, dramatically transforming her bust size. Recently, Pam has been accused of getting a little nip and tuck done on her face as well.

Accused? This is a crime now? How is this anyone’s bidness and why is anyone stunned? I don't see anyone chiding Ms. Parton for being a trailblazer for this sort of metamorphosis.

Cher says she’s become "the plastic surgery poster girl." She's not had all she’s been snipingly gossiped to have had nor is she coy and apologetic. Good for her.

"If I'd had as much plastic surgery as they [say], you know, like I've got ass implants and calf implants and cheek implants," she says. "I've had the same cheeks my entire life. No butt lifts. No ribs removed."
And even if she had, she wouldn't be ashamed.
"If I want to put my tits on my back, it's nobody's business but my own," she says.

Yes, there are some supremely sad and even horrific travesties of knife work out there. Hello Donatella Versace, Jocelyn Wildenstein  and certain members of the Jackson clan.

Exceptions not the rule. If they've the money and it makes them happy, what business is it of ours if they transform themselves into Barbie dolls, Bozo the Clown or Tralfamadorian time jumpers? For most though, on those before and after shots, it’s seriously hard to tell what the poor gossip rag's target had done.

Also too, is anyone surprised that ANYone in Hollywood’s has work done. The vast majority of actor’s/entertainer’s employment rests on how young or young-ish, how virile and sexy they look.

To NOT have any work done means, essentially that you’re retiring or you're a Meryl Streep  or a Helen Mirren.

There were two girls in my high school class who sought to make it in the entertainment field. Neither made the big leagues but both have had careers in front of audiences and camera. We’re 56 years of age now and, at last google, both women look magnificent. I figure nature had a subtle assist.

Am I giggling, snarky and being all schadenfreude-y about this? OF COURSE NOT! Looking good is in their job descriptions. I imagine there’s been a buttload of aerobics, yoga, dieting, unguents and pro level make up involved too.

We are too damn young to retire — their surgical boosts are the equivalent of me taking classes in Marketing, Photoshop and Illustrator. The game evolves and, if we want to keep playing we need to evolve, shift and flat out run like hell just to keep up.

I keep clicking on these headlines. Why, why, why?! Does it make me feel better about those 20 pounds I struggle to shed or the fact that my neck isn't all Audrey Hepburn smooth and swan-like? Does knowing that Pamela Anderson’s rack has more in common with Goodyear than humanity ease the pain of not being blessed by Aphrodite or Adonis?

More, I think I just enjoy a good train wreck. After this last round of clicking though, well, I think I'll go back to Simon's Cat videos and space shots.

By the by, Burt Reynolds, Barry Manilow, Sylvester Stallone and Kenny Rogers, amongst other dudes, have had work done too. Aging out of the entertainment biz has become an equal opportunity thing, I guess.