Confessional

Bless me readers for I have sinned...

Not only did I have turkey (TURKEY!) on Thanksgiving, I also had real, honest to Bast, cheese.

Why did this quasi Vegan indulge in bird flesh? I make fish, turkey and chicken (no beef or lamb) for The Amazing Bob—he's not a vegetarian. His dinner of birdy breasts and gravy smelled so damn good. My sense of smell bashed me over the head and forced me—HONEST! That and I just could NOT wrap my taste buds around the Tofurkey I’d bought for myself. The result? The aroma was better than the taste, my stomach was up in arms over the unusual-for-me fare and my guilt’s been in overdrive ever since.

Turkeys are gorgeous—majestic even! What was I thinking!?

And then there’s the cheese hangover. My sinuses and energy levels have been utterly banjaxed for a week now! That provolone, undoubtedly, went straight to my hips AND I’ve been doing a bang up impression of a giant gas cloud for days. Obvs, none of this is at all good BUT, jesus-lactose-infused-christ, I love real cheese. While the soy equivalents have improved over the years, they're just nada times a trillion compared to a fine slice of Double Gloucester with Stilton or a lovely cube, maybe three, of aged Extra Sharp Cheddar or a glorious wedge of Gouda.

Oh SWOON!

So then, I’m back on the no dairy, no meat wagon.

Thanksgiving is the worst for food. Christmas and New Years are easy—they’re all about Chinese comestibles. YUM! Maybe what I should do next year, instead of that disgusting Tofurky, is follow Hillel’s example. He always makes Spanakopita. This would involve me having to actually, really and truly, spend time in the kitchen though. I’d have to follow a recipe. Maybe I’ll just bribe Hillel to make a pan of it for me too. Yep, that sounds reasonable.

Yes, I know—there’s cheese in Spanakopita. It’s feta though and that’s not quite so toxic. In moderation.

Having been raised mega Catholic, I now feel as though I need to do serious penance for that ill advised turkey consumption. Maybe TAB and I should adopt a family of refugee turkeys. Coco and Rocco would make them feel all welcome and shit....right?