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Thursday, February 23, 2017

Group, the final frontier?

There's a fabulous Google-Doodle today, celebrating the discovery of possible life affording planets orbiting the dwarf star named Trappist-1.
A huddle of seven worlds, all close in size to Earth, and perhaps warm enough for water and the life it can sustain, has been spotted around a small, faint star in the constellation of Aquarius. (an aside: How cool is this? Planets that might have water were found in, yes, AQUARIUS!)

The discovery, which has thrilled astronomers, has raised hopes that the hunt for alien life beyond the solar system could start much sooner than previously thought, with the next generation of telescopes that are due to switch on in the next decade. (source)
I wish The Amazing Bob was here for this. He’d be so excited. TAB just loved looking at space pics and reading all about it.
One year for his birthday I bought him a big telescope figuring we could bring it out to the seawall and stargaze. My father had one when I was a wee kiddle. We lived in rural New Jersey so there wasn’t a lot of obstructing light pollution to queer the view. At five years of age, I didn’t really appreciate what I saw through his ‘scope (of course). Just a bunch of white dots to me. I prefered laying in the warm summer grass staring at the night sky, imagining constellations.

Horsehead Nebula
TAB was the same. Why stand outside in the snow and cold when I can sit in my big chair, Coco on my lap, looking at all the gorgeous Hubble shots while reading about space, the final frontier.

Yup. I bought him those big, NASA picture books. They captured his mondo, beautiful, poetic brain.

I just turned around to his big chair. I’m imagining him sitting there, smile broad on his handsome mug as he slowly pages through the awesome nebulae shots.

Most of the time, his absence feels purely, screamingly unbearable.

Eagle Nebula
I’ve decided to be a part of a bereavement support group at MGH. My hope is that, in being with others going through similar pain, maybe the excruciatingly sharp edges of loss will become more endurable.

Yesterday I met with the woman who helms the upcoming (end of March) eight sessions. In the days prior to meeting, I’d built up a lot of defenses – I seemed to be determined to NOT like her. This’d, naturally, get me outta the scary group sitch.

Why scary? For all my extrovert tendencies, I’m actually afraid of people. OK, I am when I’m feeling fragile, vulnerable and, boyhowdy, in this post-TAB world, that’s totes my everyday fettle. I’m afraid I’ll be slammed for not doing this grief shit right. I’m afraid of being zinged for talking too much or too little. I’m afraid of being swamped – shut out by other participants who’re maybe in more ferociously needy places than me.

I have to try this though. I can talk with Janice about the sessions – she’ll help me through this frightening new forest. Yeah, I can work through my fears and experiences in group therapy with my long-time therapist. How meta is this?

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