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Tuesday, January 15, 2019

Cursing for Creatives

It’s very important, in this age of insanity, to keep a fine, creative stock of insults at the ready. It’s smart to look beyond our own shores too. For starters, there's no reason for me to limit my palette to American English. After all, the whole world (with the possible exception of countries ruled by murderous dictators who our Republican/Fascist not-ready-for-prime-time Prez envies), is laughing at us now (when they’re not in a state of complete horror).

Fer instance:
Regarding the special dinner he gave to honor Clemson University’s football team, I gotta go with English English

The naff (tacky) prat (idiot/asshole) thought serving corpse-warm McDonald’s cheeseburgers was a classy move and "probably the food they like anyway. But they were served in candlelight and on silver platters and I was there!" What a mingebaggy (a bad person, a cheap asshole) chav (white trash).
As the Irish might say of him níl tada níos measa na bód ina seasamh. There's nothing worse than a standing prick.
...possibly the most insulting sentence you can say to or about someone - The more casually you say it, the more offensive it is. (source)
Works for me!

The Dutch have the perfect word for Preznint Tiny Hands widely reported minikin package, Mierenneuker.
This word is composed of “mieren” (“ants”) and “neuker” – derived from “neuken”. Originally “neuken” meant “to knock / thrust” but is currently only known in its translation of “to fuck." (source)
So then – Antfucker.
I wish that egomaniacal, tangerine hued mierenneuker would quit and move in with his Moscow man crush.
Que te folle un tiburón – Spanish. I hope you get fucked by a shark. PERFECT for the shark fearing Tantrum Tangelo in the WH.

For that clueless, motherfucking racist in Iowa – I’d like to tell him, me cago en la leche! Spanish for I shit in the milk. (*snicker, snicker*) And të qifsha të bardhët e syve! Albanian for fuck your eye whites, (not the pupils, JUST the white of your eyes you bigoted, asswipian blowhard!). AND I want to tell him to caccati in mano e prenditi a schiaffi! Take a dump in your (his own) hand and then slap yourself.

I’d like to ask the Velveeta Vulgarian’s chief enabler, Dense Pence, sais-tu combien de temps ta mère prend pour chier? Neuf mois! French for, do you know how long it takes your mom to take a shit? Nine months!

There's Turtle (AKA wáng bā dàn) McConnell, who is nothing more than a boon chon doi. In Malaysia, this is a man who walks behind his boss, reaching through his legs to support his balls. That's the Dense One too, now that I think on it.

I’d like to tell Stephen Miller, Captain Chaos’s bigoted, border wall obsessed advisor, at the very least sǐ yú yǎn.
Explained by a Chinese Person: You have the eyes of a dead fish.
What it means in English: Your eyes are as expressionless and soulless as a dead fish. (source)
Dude’s just 33 years old and looks like a worn out old, angry, small town drunk – one who’s routinely banned from even the skeeviest of local dive bars for being too much of an asstoad.  

There's a wealth of good and mega applicable slams to be. I must continue my research!


  1. Great stuff Reminds me of my days as a member of the Maledicta Society. The 'Maledicta' volumes were full of stuff like this. Curses, slights, insults, retorts from all over the world. (At least until the publisher, one Reinhold Aman, seemed to slip off the edge a bit.) A curse from the Arabs: may all your teeth fall out but one so you can still get a toothache. My favorite comback from a comedian to a heckler who shouted out, 'Faggot!' 'Oh. You think I'm a fag? Why don't you and your old lady bend over and see which one I fuck.' Anyway, volumes of the stuff.

    1. Hah! Love those two!

      Also, I'd love to read the story of Reinhold Aman – sounds intringuing as all hell.