How do I feel? NOT all better, that's for damn certain.
I am, however, slowly regaining some strength now that I’m back on an increased dose of the magical steroids.
I’ll see Doc Barker on Thursday and hopefully get news on where we go from here. Will my body ever go back to producing its own motherfucking steroids OR is this yet another pill I have to take (like my anti-seizure med) every damn day for the rest of my life in order to stay outta the hospital.
That I’m feeling a little better, that my tremors are less extreme, feels false…unreal, a cheat. Warum? Because things are only better because I’m dosed up on prednisone. Just FYI and shit, I’m a little pissed, to say the least, at my traitorous bod.
I no longer have that rabid doberman asshole tumor in my bean and I truly am deeply relieved about that. After all, though meningiomas are benign bastids, if not removed they wreak heinous havoc (as this one did) and then death. Yep, they’re murderous motherfuckers.
Though outta my head now, did the R.D.A.T. permanently fuck up my operating system or is this a temp aberration, a bullshit, limbo-ish period that I just gotta fight and patience my way through? (me "patient?" HAH – like I've any history of that!)
Will one of Doc Barker’s thoughts be that I should, again, taper off the prednisone and see if, given more time, my strength returns, tremors eventually cease and my hand/eye coordination returns? Cool , cool – I could do that – but how long of a let’s-wait-and-see-if-this-works will it take? How long will I be in fight-like-a-virago struggle-mode?
Having some sort of a time frame would be real nice.
Without the steroids, I’ll be back to shaking like a collection of maple leaves in a late September wind, weaker than a flu-ridden butterfly and unable to legibly print so much as my name. I’m not exactly joyfully anticipating. Ya know?
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