I’m Home

That's the good news – I’m home. Home and alive. I did NOT come home in a jar. Cake was very happy to see me – as I was to see him. Of course. 

I only mention it but, the overall ambience of Mass General would be greatly improved by the addition of cats. Don’cha think? I mean, seems obvious. To be fair, to the canine inclined amongst us, there could be dog floors and cat floors. Think about it – Mass General is huge. 

Fer instance, there are five floors to the 14 story neurological building (one of nearly 30 buildings on MGH’s main campus) which house patients. Two floors could have cat attendants, two with dogs, and one for patients who for prefer to go furless (for whatever reason…we don’t judge). The addition of our furry friends would, doubtless, accelerate healing times which would accomplish the goal of reuniting patients with home and family faster. In turn, this would free up beds so the hospital can treat more sick people. People are better served and the hospital corporation profits increase. 💥 BOOM 💥 everyone wins!

Back to my news though…the not great new is that my ingrown toenail infection was SO heinous that Lucifer himself was horribly disgusted. Despite pouring gallons of antibiotics into my veins for two days, the infection was unmoved. At first the podiatrist thought she’d simply remove a part of the nail, add antibiotic goop plus oral antibiotics. Nope, on further inspection, the entire nail had to come off.

I am desperately unhappy about this. She was able to do it yesterday afternoon – it was quick and relatively painless but WICKED gross. The whole business brought too damn many images of the xenomorphs from Alien: Earth  to mind. I mean, totally, man! Yes, I know, I know, given how much time I spend in hospital, I really ought to be inured to all this blood and guts stuff by now. Honestly. I believe I’ve a tendency, a history of being more stoic, more scientific about innards and such when it’s someone else’s OR when it’s my own but seen on screen and in black and white (i.e., I absolutely love reviewing my MRIs with Doc Plotkin. I find them downright fascinating even.)

Anyway, this latest health crap sets back my recovery from my 512 bazillion surgeries even more. NOW I need to regrow a goddamn, motherfucking entire big toenail on the foot that I have less feeling, movement and strength in. Fucking joy. I really want to be a cyborg. I’ll start small with an implanted toenail, k? I can work my way up to new balance and audio systems. 

As Ten was driving us home through evening rush hour traffic last night I was thinking, “eh, I survived. This is another boulder in my recovery path BUT I’m not dead yet.  I’ve got Ten, Jen, and Oni taking brilliant care of me and there’s always Cake!”

I got to sleep in my own bed last night. The bathroom is right across the hall instead of two doors down and I can take myself there instead of waiting for a nurse. AND Ten just brought me blueberry/raspberry/spinach pancakes (!!!) in bed. 

I’m home.