Jumping Into the Fire

Three things in human life are important. The first is to be kind. The second is to be kind. And the third is to be kind.
~ Henry James

Be kind to yourself –  Janice repeats this to me weekly.

Yup, makes sense. I need to be nicer, more patient with myself. On most days though, that’s right up there with scaling Everest.

I’m attempting an awful lot at once here – reclaiming music, beginning in clay once more AND I’m starting a new avenue in painting (portraiture, inspired by Cian McLoughlin and switching from canvas to paper).

I’ve talked about wanting to do all this for yonks and feel as though I’ve made zilcho headway. Talking is lovely but I GOTS to be actually, fucking DOING. Progress has been happening this time around but it’s going mondo slow. In order to not lose momentum, I’m making a solid point of accomplishing at least a couple bits toward my goals daily.

Yesterday, I motored over to the bookstore to search for a Teach Yourself Cello book (despite Deryn Cullen's warnings on this). No luck but I found one online. I also realized that I really want to pull a bow over the ol’ catgut* before I leap farther down this rabbit hole, before I part with the big cabbage. What if I can’t feel the tone? Is it worth investing in relearning the instrument if I can’t experience the sound in a solid way?

* Despite the name, strings are made from dried sheep or goat intestines NOT cat. STILL oogy. Sheep guts reportedly give a warmer sound //shudder// but a lot of strings are now made from synthetic materials or steel. I think I'll request them steel babies..

Another thought, what about the violin instead? It’d be easier to carry, I’m already down with the treble clef, there are plenty of violin teachers here in my town and it’d fit way better into my tiny Bix. I think I’d have an easier time feeling the vibrations of the deeper cello but I don’t know. Gotta hit The E String again – see if they’ll work with me on this.

One isn't necessarily born with courage, but one is born with potential. Without courage, we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency.
~ Maya Angelou

I realized that asking for help is hard for me. Not being wholly self sufficient is scary. What if The E String says no – that I can’t pull a bow across a cello or violin before renting? IF they do, I’ll find another music store. Hells bells, it’s not like I live in Hoxie, Kansas – there are a lot of options here.

Another thought – my neurologist is a mega grande formaggio at MGH and Harvard. I’ll bet he’d be pretty psyched about me taking on this odd music challenge AND would have ideas and connections. Ya know, I think I’ll head up to his office today and leave him a note.

It takes courage to think creatively and to ask for help.

What’s the worst that can happen – someone says no and I move on to plan B. I can do this.

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.
~ Dalai Lama

Also in Progressville, I’m making definite headway in cleaning out the basement so’s I can set up my wheel and have a clay studio down there. This doesn't require hearing, ipso facto, less courage is needed. Yea!

Jump Into the Fire – Nilsson