Hurdle Jumping for Dames

Ya know, I KNOW that I’m not the only babe rockin’ the Frida Kahlo look. She, by the by, was gorgeous and totally rocked the faint mustachio look. Me? I think mebbe not so much.

I went to my local CVS, in search of what every brunette wants – Jolene Bleach – but it was nowhere to be found. They HAD to have it! This isn’t some weird product that’s ONLY used by 59 year old, deaf, Italian/Irish-American designer/painters with facial nerve damage, a Dada-ist sense of humor and a deep love of literature, roasted Brussels sprouts and Chianti. Nope, this is stuff ALL us darker haired Vagina Americans use.

So then, tell me why pharmacies hide this shit? Hmmmmm? I looked in the hair dye aisle because OF COURSE I DID! I looked in the shampoo aisle. I checked shaving needs – RILLY I did. Finally I asked a clerk. Yes they did have it in stock but she couldn’t quite recall where. We went on a hunt, she and I, finally locating it in shaving needs (???) on a bottom shelf WAY off to the side.

And when I gotta buy again, they’ll undoubtedly have moved it. Maybe to the magazine or mascara rack?
~~~
Doctor Jen Gunter, OB/GYN and “weilder of lasso of truth,” comments on Teen Vogue’s unfortunate weird-step:

Teen Vogue wants women to have their “Best Summer Vagina Ever,” and no that is not a recommendation for a Yankee Candle to take to the beach.   

The title alone is an issue because it suggests that A) everything in the genital tract is the vagina and B) that “summer vagina” is a thing.  

It’s not. (source)

Yeah, teenage girls (hells bells, us older chicas too!) really don’t need to glam up the old twatterie. Sheesh! Next thing ya know Teen Vogue’ll be shilling for “magic pearls” and vaginoplasty. //shudder//

Go read Doc Gunter’s witty and informative column. I’ll be here when you get back.
~~~
The Miss America contest won’t be doing bathing suit competitions anymore. Why?

After months of controversy within the Miss America organization, executives announced Tuesday that the nearly century-old pageant will no longer judge contestants on their physical appearance. (source)

Really? The pageant is an archaic throwback to a time when women were no more than fuckable prized sows (if we were lucky //snort//), judged solely on appearance and “poise” (AKA smiling doormatness) and now they’re DQing their main selling point? Who’s gonna watch this antiquated, reductive and insulting piece of soft porn belittlement without the Sports Illustrated-esque T&A?

Does this mean a young Margaret Mead or Eleanor Roosevelt could now win?

On WHAT will Miss America be judged? How winsome and giggly Miss Missouri is when she says what she really wants in life is “world peace?”

One year, Miss California was asked her opinion on euthanasia. She replied that she hadn’t formed an opinion, but does know that “it’s a vaccine, correct?”

Miss Arizona when asked if the U.S. should have universal healthcare, answered:
“I hear your question and refuse to answer it or express an opinion because everyone has a right to an opinion.” Obvs she belonged to her high school Future Republican Politicians of America club.

When queried as to why Americans suck so monster bad at geography, Miss South Carolina replied that it was because some people in the nation do not have maps.

Miss Utah’s answer to the gender based income inequality plaguing our nation responded with a brilliant, beautiful smile and:

“I think we can relate this back to education,” Miss Utah begins, flawlessly, “and … how … we are continuing … to try to strive … to … [Big smile. Long pause. Deep breath. Wait, here we go … ] figure out how to create jobs right now.” Boom. “That is the biggest problem right now.”
“I think, especially the men are … um … seen as the leaders of this, and so we need to see how to … create education better [… !!!]. So that we can solve this problem. Thank you.” (source)

Well, OK then!