Vampires on Ice

I did something new yesterday. I didn’t go outside (‘cept onto the porch to feed Umlaut of course), I canceled my rehab appointment and everything. Warum? Ice, ice baby. I’m afraid of falling and fucking my wonky-as self up more.

OK, to be real and honest, this was just my excuse, my unimpeachable reasoning. Reality? I don’t remember the last time I slipped on the ice and went boom. Sure, sure, 2018 was the Year of Falling (like the Year of the Dragon but with painful splats) but I didn’t need or have the ice’s help for that.

I’m so conscious, careful and aware while on slick surfaces – I’m like a Jedi. Jedis on Ice – wasn’t that an Ice Capades show back in the ‘70s? Wut…no?

The actual logic (it was SO logic!) for eschewing the great outdoors?

I was tired, damn tired, after my weekend’s adventure. I’m so very worried about Poppy. Can he ever be  happy in his new pro-nursing digs? Can we get him a new roommate who either enjoys watching TV too OR is deaf? What about his little boom box and all the music I gave him? Where are they and, if found, will the nurses fire up some Handel, Hayden, Nitty Gritty Dirt Band or Dylan for him? Sister Celeste is looking into possibilities.

Daddy’s losing mobility and focus and this is molto painful to see.

Today’s a new day. Temp’s will be above freezing and the ice will begin to melt. My convenient excuse for staying inside with Coco is now unsustainabley thin. I gots to face the day.

I can do this.

In lighter news, I rarely get spam here but I got the most interesting bit yesterday. If nothing else it gave me a good laugh. Here it is (with my running commentary, natch):

Are you tired of being human (like, totally!), having talented brain turning to a vampire in a good posture in ten minutes, (good posture in 10 minutes? Yur from Spaulding Rehab, aren't you?) Do you want to have power and influence over others, (not particularly unless it's the power to undo the Ginger Barbarian's damage and put him and his crime family on ice for a millennium or two) To be charming and desirable (you, of course, mean MORE charming and MORE desirable), To have wealth, health, without delaying in a good human posture (As opposed to a good canine posture?) and becoming an immortal? If yes, these your chance. It's a world of vampire where life get easier, (easier – I could do with some of that – can't we all?) We have made so many persons vampires and have turned them rich, You will assured long life and prosperity, You shall be made to be very sensitive to mental alertness, (I won’t be mentally alert but I'll be sensitive to it in others? Will it give me hives? Will I break out in a rash?) Stronger and also very fast, You will not be restricted to walking at night only even at the very middle of broad day light you will be made to walk, (MADE to walk? Is this like army Ruck Marches?) This is an opportunity to have the human vampire virus to perform in a good posture (again with the good posture – is this spam from my Physical Therapist?). If you are interested contact us on….

An email/not a website is listed. 

Obvs it’s a scam but one done on the BIG TIME cheap. With tongue planted firmly in cheek and a nothing burger product to send out, this could, conceivably, have been a craze, a wild, fun capitalization on vampire mania – the blood sucker version of pet rocks and Beanie Babies. Sadly, I think this non-English speaking little grifter was just not thinking big.

Also, n.b. and shit, not ONE mention of having to drink blood and I'm a veg-head. Can I get vegan blood?

Had there been a site to see, I totes would’ve visited. There loss.