Shagged and Fagged and Fashed

We all grow tired eventually; it happens to everyone. Even the sun, at the close of the year, is no longer a morning person.
~ Joyce Rachelle

My energy levels are at a shockingly sad, low ebb lately. Dunno why. Is this a persistent and nasty hangover from these past eight or so months of constant scary health struggles? Is it the horror show state of our country? Money worries, perhaps? Probably the three combined.

Our fatigue is often caused not by work, but by worry, frustration and resentment.
~ Dale Carnegie

Yeah dude AND rage against the machine. Rage without neat, tidy quick resolution and none’s on the horizon either. No way for me to fix things either ‘cept by voting. FRUSTRATING!

Nothing bad is going on right now in my own wee corner of the world. Yes, the country’s a big fat, terrifying, blood boiling mess BUT my health seems to be stable-ish at the mo – nothing dire or direly pressing. Bix might need new brakes which is a definite wallet ouchy but that’s not gonna bankrupt me.

So WHY was I awake and having mini panic attacks at zero dark thirty?

This was anticipatory anxiety (a real thing!) – something I experience all too often. I worry and have these attacks over a thousand and three what ifs. I like being as prepared as possible for all eventualities BUT how does it help to become an ouroboros of bitterness and fears?

Hint: it don’t help a bit and this ain’t NO fucking fun at all.

I’m often able to put the brakes on these flurries of fuss but not until after I’ve gone all sleepless in Valhalla for a night or two. Solutions, (which are just temporary fixes – requiring all to frequent redeployment) include:

• deep breathing exercises
• internet research (fer instance: how much will those new brakes set me back)
• cleaning/tidying (looking for the bills I couldn’t remember paying, etc.)
• NOT reading the news du jour of Preznint Sociopathic Hate's cruelties and stupidities and those of his merry band of democracy destroying Republi/Fascists.
• a warm shower and a little stretching helps too.

To paraphrase Rachel Simmons, sadness, irritability, fatigue, and distractedness are among the most common side effects of life.

Last night Nurse Coco came to my rescue. She sat on my chest as I semi-reclined in my emerald green comfy chair. Whilst unleashing a purr tsunami, she whispered in my ear – go spend some time in the rain room. You know water always makes you feel better. As uszh, the cat was right.

. . . her energy existed in precious spools that came unwound faster than she liked.
~ Zoje Stage, Baby Teeth