Passivity

I think this is the perfect outfit for my docs at MGH!

Passive/Aggressive
    adjective

of or denoting a type of behavior or personality characterized by indirect resistance to the demands of others and an avoidance of direct confrontation, as in procrastinating, pouting, or misplacing important materials.

George is painfully passive aggressive. When I ask him to unload the dishwasher, he either pretends he hasn’t heard me or takes all the dishes out, leaving them on the counter for me to shelve.

Why’s this come up right now in the midst of this damn plague? A friend sent a group email asking us, all his longtime, far-flung chums, how we’re doing during this crazy time. He also provided a Christmas letter-like synopsis of what he and his family have been up to lately.

This isn’t someone I’m in regular contact with. He wasn’t aware of Donna’s Heavy Year. In an upbeat tone (honest!), I filled him in – brain surgery, seizures, recovery, political kvetches and other general life stuff (e.g., one year anniversary with Ten!).

I was NOT looking for sympathy or a shoulder to sob on and I didn’t expect one either. Plus, I know brain surgery’s a lot to take in. I figured I’d get an Oof, that’s rough sort of reply. Maybe even a Glad you’ve turned the corner on recovery. And that would've been totes groovy.

Cheery AND chic, no?

Nope, he replied with, get this, a smiley face and “I’ll try a longer response when less tired.” No longer response came which, having known this fellow for 40 years, wasn’t surprising.

He DID text me the other day, not to follow up, but to ask “how’s your social distance?” (¿Que and ’the fuck?) and did I have the email address for a mutual friend.

I sent him the address but didn’t bother answering the first query. Was I being passive/aggressive? No. I realize that either he doesn’t really want to know (so why waste my breath) OR he does but our modes of communication are at such extreme odds, we may as well be speaking in two different, long dead languages.

Also too –“how’s your social distance?” Is this the new non-question, bogus greeting?

Another friend has expressed concern because I seem more ranty lately. I didn’t respond to this, the rant part of his email. Was I being passive/aggressive? Mebbe. The way he phrased the question, his specific word choice, implied that I was being tedious, long-winded and dull. No one likes being told they're a boring windbag.
 
I do NOT actually believe this was his intention AT ALL. So, why didn’t I respond? Because, despite knowing that he wasn't meaning to diss, I felt hurt and defensive. I was afraid my reply would be somewhere between What’s THAT supposed to mean and slapping him into the next dimension. Neither being ideal, appropriate or helpful – ya know?

Just FY-fucking-I, all of us are tense and nervous, on edge, a bit overly sensitive and a little down lately. OF, FUCKING, COURSE WE ARE!

And, while I'm at it, language is a funny old thing. Two people, longtime pals even, can speak the same tongue but, on any given day, understanding’s a crapshoot.

All in all, I’d say that I’m generally NOT the passive aggressive type, it’s just that there are times when not responding is the better part of valor…and shit.