Be Here Now

Lately, it doesn’t take much to collapse one of my, now rare, optimistic moods. I need to fight this just like I fight to recover from this past year of surgeries, seizures and other assorted maladies. 

("lately," by the way, equals 2020 which doesn't actually end until January 20th – Inauguration Day)

Coming back from physical crapoli is, honestly, a less steep mountain to climb. It involves putting one foot in front of the other, getting up out of bed, exercising carefully and consistently, not giving in to my inner sloth. It ain't easy BUT I can see progress.

Fer instance, yesterday I did ten whole minutes on the elliptical (huzzah!) AND two sets of four different balance PT exercises. Add to this, the fact that I’m NOT in stabby pain this morning (just achy). Yea me! Today is a strength versus balance building day.

I’ve passed the post-seizure, post-pulled chest/back muscles enervation point and am beginning to have more energy and gain a little ground. Again, YEA ME!

As far as moods go, my emotional state is sinking. Between the Fascist Party’s escalating efforts to trash democracy and shit all over the constitution and the insanely high and climbing COVID case numbers and deaths, being NOT depressed is hard bloody work. (by the by, as of this morning there are  now over 350,000 dead here in the U.S. from this plague. Sure Spanky, it's no worse than the flu!)

I’ve almost entirely quit reading my usual political blogs and, when on Twitter, I try to zip past all but the silly, cheery posts and pet videos. That’s not enough though. Reality is a persistent motherfucker and leaks in.

Things to do when I find myself doomscrolling?

• Get up off my ass and exercise
• Revisit my fave animator, Bill Plympton’s website and revel in his inspired weirdness
• Check into the art and other cool shit site, My Modern Met. This morning I was turned on to the wildly talented, abso-brill wave photographer Ray Collins. Jesus, his work is ASTOUNDING. I’m utterly bowled over and envious.
• Start a new book or two. My, long ago ordered, used copies of Exit Strategy (the fourth book in Martha Wells’ Murderbot Diary Series) and Ann Leckie’s Ancillary Justice  have just arrived. YEA!
• PUT THE PHONE DOWN AND PICK UP COCO. Holding a purring cat – more calming than a bottle of wine (also, NOT fattening or seizure sparking)
• Understand that the current tsunami of bullshit by the “right” is no more than performative Fascism. It’s all about capturing the future votes and buckos of Captain Chaos’s cult. They don't REALLY want to ignite a civil war – that requires actual work! No, they want fame, fortune and the adulation of 74 million dimbulbed, dipshit rubes.

AND

• I gotta remember to breathe deep and be here now.

I know I've said this, or things very close to it, before but A) I repeat myself when I'm distressed and B) Reminding myself of how I can climb outta the pit is always useful and smart.