Controlled Freaking

My friend Monica commented:

Part of what you write about is controlled freaking out, if I've got that right. I mean, having a really serious situation in which freaking out is the reasonable response but you have to sort of, budget that, modulate that. You can't be freaking out all the time if your situation is going to go on.

Spot on, Monica!

The past four+ years — with TAB getting hopelessly ill and croaking on me, followed by the past few with my own insane maladies and multiple neuro surgeries — could easily have been one looooooong freak out. That way holds madness tough. Mega crazification. I’ve had to pick and choose, create distractions and, just generally, chill the ever lovin’ fuck out. Not easy with the twice impeached former guy and that grredheaded ugly turtle in office, competing to see who can destroy America first.

Keeping a lid on freakage ain’t easy or always possible. I’m not a meditater or a yoga club type. I do that deep breathing shit when things get intense. Painting and photography help a LOT but haven’t been, during my worst times, possible. I've asked Jen to bring in my sketch pad and a few markers today. If nothing else, I can doodle.

What’d truly help is being able to float in my Icelandic heaven. Yeah, not gonna happen in these GQP sponsored COVID times. I doubt Spaulding has a warm, silica infused pool in which I can drift and glide but, hells bells, I can ask.