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Saturday, June 19, 2021

I only mention it but...UPDATE

Pre-fatherhood Daddy

Daddy died at 8:30 this morning. I’m stunned and savagely shattered. Silly as this is, it never occurred to me that he’d die before me. After all, Grandpa lived to be 99 years old. I believe I’ll spend the rest of today puking and crying.


I’m  not-so-much taking the nurses seriously anymore. First off, last Sunday, they said he had a day or two left. Yesterday it was “hours.” He’s still going. Mind, this is FAB but these inaccurate, precipitous heads-ups are stressing the fuck outta me. I’ve been in a constant state of dread since last Sunday.

I know, I know, they’re giving their best estimates given the symptoms he’s exhibiting. Still, even with the wonky state I’m in, Ten and I could’ve made the long drive (10 hours) down and sat with him, telling silly stories, gossiping and whatnot. With the inaccurate warnings, I didn’t think there was time.

Guess what – there was. An important, lost opportunity.

You may be thinking “why not fly?
A. I’m in a wheelchair for all distances over 20 feet. I know the airlines have wheelchairs but I need my own. Possible to bring onboard? Don’t know.
B. Though I’m fully vaccinated, I’m still concerned about all those disease denying anti-vaxxers. I RILLY don’t want to be stuck sitting next to or anywhere near a Typhoid Mary or Mitch.

So, I continue in Dread State, checking my phone every ten minutes for the devastating bad news text.


  1. We visited him on Friday evening. We brought him a favorite treat, a chocolate shake. We put a spoonful of it in his mouth and reacted with a smile!

  2. That's very sweet, thank you.