There Are Benefits

I just realized what one of the benefits of being deaf is JUST like. Ya know how on Twitter you can mute someone? The muted person can still see your feed but you don’t see theirs OR any stupid comment they might make on one of your posts.

There’s something similar-ish on Shoutyface where you can unfollow an offending person’s feed. You can also snooze someone—take a break from seeing their posts for a few weeks or so.

*POOF* they're vanished without the muss and fuss of uncomfortable, possibly hostile convos. Why did you block me? Why did you unfriend me? Because you're a tiresome asshole is not usually a calmly received answer.

How is mute and unfollow like being deaf? Imagine this, a person comes up to me—wants to tell me their life story or preach at me/SAVE my soul or give me some kind of delusional, bullying right wing werewolf shit. I tell them I’m deaf. Instead of telling them how they can effectively communicate with me (write a note, text or, using the voice to text mic, talk into a notes doc on their phone), I simply state“I’m deaf,” smile and turn away.

FYI, cake is a cure-all.
You already knew that though.

Most folks, particularly the self involved, grandstanding twats, salesweasels, pontificating droners and angry ragers, generally aren’t able to figure out alternative communication methods on their own. No, it's me who must try harder to magically hear their very important blatherings.

So…see? Being deaf means that I’m no longer obliged to instruct Republi/Fascists to fuck the whole way off to the lowest level of Dante’s Inferno and never speak to me again (said in a diplomatic manner, of course). I no longer need to insist that the narcissist’s best option is to stop boring me and get outta my face STAT (again, said in a kindly yet definitive way). I won’t need to politely but mega firmly tell the god sellers to get off my porch NOW.

Nope. I get to smoothly, quickly, seamlessly even, get clear of unwanted, unnecessary, annoying social hassle. I just say “I’m deaf” and walk away.

This works unless of course the offending and/or bothersome party texts me asking why I’m such a heartless misanthrope. I can just ignore a text though…right?!

There are holes in my pretty scenario. Pre-pandemic, a pair of ASL savvy Jehovah’s Witnesses used to periodically stop by the house. At first I welcomed the signing convo practice. I was repeatedly, TOTALLY upfront about not being interested in their religion but enjoyed being able to chit-chat via sign with them (I didn't and still don't know many signers). 

Unfortunately and, in retrospect unsurprisingly, they interpreted this as me being an easy mark who’d like to “hear” about their brand of god. They just had to be sly about it. Ah no.

After their last visit, which was shortly after TAB left this beautiful blue earth, I figured I was shot of them. Since they’d always been nice (if blindly determined to trap another soul for their cult), I really hated to be rude. It truly pained me but, post TAB, patience was nonexistent.

My friend Michal had the absolutely best, most admirable response to door-to-door god pushers:

“…I don't have time for all that made up voodoo. I hope you have a nice day.”

Blunt, concise, honest. Admirable.

Funnily enough, via snail mail yesterday, I received a letter and packet of flyers from these same Watch Tower people. They do NOT give up. I suppose COVID has been good for something—it’s kept the obtuse salesweasels from my door.