Fire and Rain

This tune fell into my bean yesterday:

I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I'd see you again
Fire and Rain—James Taylor

I guess this is just part of the getting old gig—so many friends have gone before me. Weird, eh? I'm Perpetually-Falling-Apart-Woman yet a crowd of my loved ones have stepped off this spinning planet before me.

What the miserable fuck!
My father’s birthday was yesterday—he would’ve been 86. Daddy always figured he’d die first. Ya know, before Mother. Women do, generally live longer but Lu was nine years older than Chuck AND she had NF2. If not for the pesky family curse she may very well have outlived him.

I’m not sure he ever really forgave her for croaking first. She was supposed to, at the least, take him with her. He was stunned that she left without him.

Hells bells, with the last few years I’ve had (five big, fat neurosurgeries, 1,001 seizures, learning how to walk again, eye issues...christ almighty, I'm single-handedly keeping MGH in business!) I figured I’d punch out before the old man too. Boyhowdy, that would’ve pissed him right off.

Why the blue gloom today? Daddy's birthday and my Coco. I can see that she’s definitely slowing down, sleeping more and losing more weight. She wants me to hold her all the time (NOT exactly a hardship).

 I was pretty damn sure that I wasn't going to survive all of my battles so I made arrangements so that Coco would be well taken care of when I’m gone. BUT, looka here—I’m not only not dead yet—I’m walking again. Yesterday and Monday I clocked close to 1,600 steps. That plus 10-12 minutes each day on the elliptical. Fuck man, I keep coming back like Freddy-fucking-Krueger.

So, my spoiled rotten, MOST awesome cat is gonna beat me to the damn exit after all. She's not gone yet though and I've loads of cosseting still to do.

I've outlived my parents, and I've had some wonderful second chances in life. I feel remarkably uncheated.
~ Thoma McGuane