Down the Mall

Jen took me to the mall (we went don the mawl) yesterday for my walk. I didn’t do as well as hoped. Despite the smooth floors (versus the bumpy, pothole riddled streets of Valhalla), few fellow walkers, no wind and the warmth of being indoors, my progress was obscenely slow, arduous even. Why?

Eh, I’ve been a touch under the weather lately and, given that, I MAY have been overdoing my workouts a little (I can exercise my way outta this cold, dammit!). It’s possible. Of course, it doesn’t help any that the mall views are stunningly wretched. (Lousy vistas are enervating)

Fer instance:

• I came across this tank top/garter belt mashup. What the useless fuck! The clips are way too high to reach the stockings which need to be held up. Also, why is it paired with an ugly pair of baggy hip-level pants? I don’t get it. Is this supposed to be sexy? In what possible way?

• Then there were these heels. Jesus Crippled Christ—HOW is anyone supposed to walk in these things? What if you find yourself in a situation where you need to escape a potential attacker? That’s something all or almost all women face at some point. Can you run in this purely decorative footwear? No, no you cannot. Can you walk around the office all day in heels this high? What about those pointy toes? Are the women who shove their tootsies into these torture devices trying to deform their lower digits? Have they always envied ballerinas’ battered, broken toes?

• The schmatte—looks like someone shredded the State House dome and glued the bits onto a dress form.

• The coat? This is purely personal. I HATE the color pink (in clothing). Neon pink is the worst. It’s as though the unselfaware pinkster is screaming “Look at me, look at me, I’m a girly girl!” (girly-girl translates, for me, into intentionally delicate, insipid and coddled)

This gets into my mondo pet peeve of parents dressing their tiny tots in gender identifying colors—teaching them from birth that they’re girls first, full on humans later, if ever. That’s a rant for another day though.

Bottom line here—though there are definite advantages to mall walking (especially in winter). I, more often than not, find it too damn annoying.

Today will warm up into the mid-30s so I’ll try to have a good seawall walk. Gazing at the waves, seagulls, the sunlight winking on the water is restorative and way more energy enhancing than passing shop windows full of fashion atrocities.