On this ice and snow riddled day...

I’ve got a question.

What, if anything, would replace Drag Queen Story Hour in the Bizarro World of Republi/Fascist America?

I bet it’d look something like this:

Location: NOT held in a library (libraries no longer exist in this world) or bookstore but in a big box evangelical god-for-hate-and-profit church.

Story Teller: Some camo clad, AR-15-style semi-automatic rifle toting militia wannabe.

Book to be read: Atlas Shrugged (AKA the REAL Republi/Fascist bible) which has been described as:

…the revenge fantasy of every self-entitled billionaire in the world, the rich industrialist is likened to Atlas, the Titan who holds the world on his shoulders.
     ~~~
It’s their vision of a perfect world where the subhuman masses (AKA those of us who failed to be or become filthy rich) worship at their feet, where kindness is a dirty word, and where they never have to care about other human beings. (source)

I see immediate problems with this scenario.

• MAGAts are, at best, short attention spanned semiliterates. An entire hour of reading, would be inconceivable for most, unless you add lots of explosive, fiery special effects.

• Even if the story time’s Dear Reader is actually able to read, there’s no way to make Atlas Shrugged interesting or remotely believable (much like the blatherings heard on Fox news—hell, even their own propagandists don’t believe the lies they loudly and self-righteously spew).
  

• First time one of the children in the audience cries or asks a question, the militia moron storyteller will pull out his manhood substitute which will, naturally, accidentally discharge killing at least two audience members.

• Reading at a rate of 250 words per minute, it would take 19 hours and 52 minutes to slog through Atlas Shrugged. No one on the planet has the stomach to get through near 20 hours (not including bathroom, snack and nap breaks) of Rand’s ridiculous snot-twaddling fever dream. Yes, I’ve read this paean to avarice. I was 19, a fellow art student recommended I take it on my three day bus trip from Pittsburgh to San Francisco. WORST book advice evah!

• Story time attendees would start trickling out after the first 15 minutes for unscheduled but essential pee, tantrum, puke breaks from which they would never return. Who would blame them? Certainly not me!
  

• Hard core, zealot parents would stay in their seats but have dozed off before the first 30 minutes passed. Their children would have gnawed through their always attached leashes and gone out to play in traffic.

I wonder how many of Rand’s faithful, god-bothering fans understand that she was a staunch atheist.

That Christians are called to care for the most vulnerable of God’s people was, to Rand, manifest proof that the religion has nothing constructive to add to human life: After all, in her philosophy, "superiors" have no moral obligations to those weaker or more vulnerable than they. According to Rand, the Christian moral imperative to serve the needy is a “monstrous idea.” (source)

Oh yeah, the Republi/Fascists already took care of that—they redefined christianity to be whatever Ayn Rand’s devotees say it is.