Swards, Goth Chickens and More

In my ongoing efforts to keep from being utterly overwhelmed, reduced to nonstop sobbing and never leaving the consoling comfort of my bed again, I’ve been focusing on sentient beings who are less dangerous than humans.

Mostly.

Also, the occasional word.

Sward
     noun
1: a portion of ground covered with grass

2: the grassy surface of land

Ah no. Try this instead:

Sward
     noun (still)
a cross between a swan and an aardvark. Common in the Valhalla region of Valhalla, Massachusetts.

Of course!
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Did you know? There are goth chickens. Yes really.

The Ayam Cemani is a rare chicken breed from Java in Indonesia. The word Ayam means chicken in Indonesian, while Cemani has two possible translations: it either means entirely black, or it comes from a place called Cemani in Java. 

The chicken itself is steeped in mysticism and prized in its native land for its reputedly magical blood. The most unusual thing about the Ayam Cemani is its entirely black coloration, including its feathers, comb, skin, muscles, internal organs, and even bones. (source)

These goth birdies, do they listen to Dead Can Dance? Nine Inch Nails? Maybe they turn on Nick Cave occasionally? Also, they’re prized for their magic blood? Do the chickens get to keep the blood inside themselves or are they subjected to vampirization? Do geeks consider them delicacy? I mean, these are important questions and I need the answers!
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Have you heard about the Compass Jellyfish? They’ve got a nasty-ass sting and…

Once they have stung something, jellyfish often leave the tentacle behind and can continue to sting using it even when not connected to their body. (source)

Is that ultra creepy or what? Frankly, I would really like to have that ability. Picture this—I insult someone (some truly biting slam), and an hour later, when the victim is miles away from me, my piercing wit wallops them again.

If Dorothy Parker had this talent their wouldn’t be a single New Yorker left standing.

“So, you're the man who can't spell 'fuck.'"
Dorothy Parker to Norman Mailer after publishers had convinced Mailer to replace the word with a euphemism, 'fug,' in his 1948 book, "The Naked and the Dead.”
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[When asked to use 'horticulture' in a sentence:] You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think.
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This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it.

No idea what Ms. Parker was referring to in that last quip but I LOVE this. If the fancy terrible is a human (Cheeto, fer instance), well //shudder// that raisin filling would pop us over into an utter horror show. Come to think of it, once the tangerine tantrum toddler croaks, he should be sliced open to see if he is, in fact, filled with raisins.
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Gastrodiplomacy
     noun
the strategic promotion of a nation’s cuisine to build diplomatic connections and favorable public relations for that nation.

Possibly this is what we need in the Middle East—a little gastrodiplomacy. I believe that some creamy tortellini soup or Pasta alla Norma followed by the Neapolitan Mille Feuille and/or a lovely Sfogliatella.

Oh wait….the diplomacy is needed in Russia, Iran and the Middle East. ‘scuse me, I must go research their cuisines.