Feeling Blue

 You know what’s a truly shitty way to start the day? Lemme just tell you, it’s when you wake to a text that a friend has died. Scott and I weren’t intensely close—we weren't in frequent contact—but we were awfully fond of each other. We shared studio space in college (it was me, Kevin, Myla and Scott) and reconnected on ShoutyFace eons later. Scott was a talented artist, a warm and supportive human AND he had a great sense of humor. There’s now a hole in my heart with his name on it.

In other news, I had my post-MRIs visit with my main neurologist, Doctor Plotkin, on Tuesday. My spine (and its accompanying mass of tumors) is basically fine. The giant meningioma stuck on my bean's right frontal lobe? Not so much.

The chemo meds have slowed but NOT, as desperately hoped, stopped its growth. Surgery is now in the forecast—not immediately but, most likely within the year. When I’m sliced open (by the by, this will be my eighth brain surgery) is, more or less, up to me.

Plotkin feels I need more recovery/rehab time after the surgery-a-thon and proton radiation fun of 2020 through 2022. Yes. Agreed. Still, I don’t want to wait too long. The farther I push off OR time, the older I get and the greater the chance of other shit going wrong with me. Complications—I don’t need more of them.

The chemo meds cause fatigue (amongst other fun stuff) which means I’ve not been as active as I need to be in order to bring up my strength and stability. Essentially, I’ve got to push past my enervation in order to get in shape for surgery. Not so easy during the cold, snowy New England winter months. One thing I’m looking into is joining the Y again (for the worst months—December through March) and walking the indoor track. Definitely not scenic BUT it’s out of the wind, ice and snow.

My balancing act is between waiting until I’ve become stronger before they cut me open AND not waiting so long that I’m weaker from the chemo sparked fatigue (therefor less able to become strong again post op). I really don’t want to spend another month in Spaulding Rehab.

So, I’m basically Goldilocks looking for the time frame that’s juuuuust right. I’m thinking—let’s see how I get through the winter, what my next MRIs look like and go from there. A June op date would be nice. It’ll be warm then, I can sit on the veranda reading and get some sun whilst my bean heals. 

Sounds good, right?