Country Matters

Livestock
     noun
: animals such as cattle and sheep which are kept on a farm are referred to as livestock. 

Cows are social animals and build friendships within their herds. Ya know, I’ll bet there are bovine cliques. There’d be the Stoners who hang in the corner of the pasture where some stray hemp seeds have sprouted. There’d be the Popular heifers whose daddies and mummies all inhabit the most high end stalls in the barn. The rumor mill has it that their fine alfalfa and white clover is all imported. Their water’s sparkling and served in crystal troughs too. There’re the Goths (mostly Welsh Black Cattle and Black Angus) who generally keep to themselves and spend a lot of time debating Joy Division versus Cocteau Twins.

Cows are able to anticipate the future (unlike a lot of humans) and experience pain, fear and anxiety. If we had a bigger yard and a barn, we’d need to get a herd of our own. They could keep our alpaca (which we don’t have but want) company.

Sheep, contrary to popular belief, are actually intelligent beasties. Also too, they’ve got good memories.

They have very impressive cognitive ability and just like humans, they form deep and lasting bonds with each other, they stick up for one another in fights, and they grieve when they lose a friend. They experience all of the same emotions that we do including fear, joy, boredom, anger and happiness to name a few. (source)

Basically, sheep are just wicked mellow. They don’t get all caught up in crap like gilded toilets, having the most guns or going to little pep rallies for demented, old, Nazi loving clowns with bad makeup and ridiculous hair. Comparing MAGAts to sheep is an insult to our wooly friends.

Pigs—they don’t sweat. I do but when  I perspire, I do NOT, in fact, sweat like one of our clean and tidy porcine brethren (because they don't...sweat, that is). Yes, pigs roll around in mud which gives the bogus impression that they're filthy beasts. Nope, they are not. If you didn’t have functioning sweat glands and needed to cool down, you would have a fine mud wallow too..

Like cows, pigs are social. They like to live in families or small groups. Given how intelligent they are, I imagine they enjoy book clubs with plentiful wine and snackies. Also, erudite discussions over a fine meal.

Let’s talk about goats. Yeah sure, they’re cute as all hell. I’m sure you’ve seen vids of those totally fucking adorable baby goats jumping all over the place. Damn, wouldn’t a little club of kids be a great mood elevator? I mean think of it—you’ve had a rough day at work. What would cheer you up more? Going to the pub, spending too damn much dough on too many martinis (alcohol IS a depressant, ya know) OR coming home to watch your little goat buddies bounce around in the yard? I mean, c’MON, this is a no-brainer.

Also, goats are bright.

Goats learn how to solve complicated tasks quickly and can recall how to perform them for at least 10 months… (source)

Just FYI, human women are NOT livestock.