Cat Confidante

What? No reason, I'm just feeling like a cat Weeble this morning.

I know I’ve mentioned this before but I’m well aware that my verbal communication style can be described, charitably, as blunt. If asked for my opinion on a personal matter (or other, similar, input) I’ll be direct, honest and as kind as possible. Diplomatic? That’s a matter of opinion.

Fer instance:
Someone asks if a dress, pair of slacks or whatever, makes their ass look big. Depending on the closeness of our friendship, I might respond with:

• Oh YEAH Sweetie, five alarm fire! Do NOT buy those! PUT. THE. SKIRT. BACK. JANET!
• How big is TOO big? Kardashian big or Penelope Cruz big?
• The cut/style doesn’t really flatter your assets. Maybe those would look better on you in a different color. Charcoal instead of lemon yellow?
• I love the fabric but how does it feel? Are you really comfortable? Ya know, if it feels good and you love it, get it.

In each case I’m saying ‘yes, your ass looks unfortunate it this outfit.’

Relationship or friendship advice? I’m definitely direct, if considered, particularly in cases where there are red flags.

Is a pal is doing online dating and wants to know what I think of a prospective date? I’ll want to know if there are any indicators of potential future abuse. I’ll ask, fer instance:

• Are you being love-bombed? Is the suitor TOO attentive. Texting constantly (and expecting instant replies), making over the top gestures (constantly showering you with roses, bon bons and fancy, schmancy date requests). Maybe they’re inexperienced and have read too many romance novels OR these are manipulation attempts.
• Are your boundaries respected? Does potential beau see and acknowledge them. We all need space. Is the hopeful romance candidate a controlling freak, suffering from desperate social awkwardness or what?
• Have they claimed that all their exes were crazy? Either they have strange, self-destructive taste in partners, they’re lying or leaving out significant parts of the story.
• Newbie Boy/Girl is rude, downright mean and/or obnoxious to your friends. Are they trying to separate you from your chums who might veto them?

If I see any red flags AT ALL, I definitely point them out. Beyond that? I just ask more questions to see what they think.

Are potential date’s emails/texts intriguing? Are they like a can’t-put-it-down book or is my pal already considering that a 30 minute coffee date might be too much.

Is the person physically attractive, repellent or just meh? With a sparkling dash of duende, ‘meh’ can become dazzling.

Work advice? Depending on the situation, I’m gonna err on the side of suggesting clear, direct communication with diplomacy in play (versus decking a boss or co-worker outright). Maybe my friend needs to be Horatio Walpole (blunt, awkward and lovely) or, perhaps, Bill Clinton (think of the beautiful but sadly ill-fated Oslo Accords). It relies entirely on the play at hand, the actors and risks.

I didn’t shoot outta the womb with innate diplomacy skills. Not by a long-fucking-shot. (nor would I make any claims of being overburdened with those talents now) This is some of why, when advice on a personal matter is requested, I ask a lot of questions first. Unless there are indications of DANGER, WILL ROBINSON, DANGER, what matters most is what the advice-asker wants and feels.

So, I HAVE learned something in this long life. Ask questions, get a better picture, before spouting off.