Walter Wants to Know What's Up

Walter has questions and concerns

I saw a snippet of the new press secretary’s first time on stage yesterday. Of course I couldn’t hear it (deaf here) and there was no closed captioning on the video. I was able to pick up an awful lot from her appearance and body language though. 

Before I share my brief thoughts on that, I gotta ask, did Katie Zacharia get the press secretary job because:

✅ She’s young appearing, thin, and has long, straight, bottle-blonde hair?
✅ She looks good on camera? (“good” as defined by ancient saggy billionaires who need industrial strength boner pills just to *think* about maybe getting a stiffy in the next day or two)
✅ There’s a slight resemblance to Ivanka?
✅ She totally looks like she’d be right at home with the Fox “news” couch crew?
❓❓❓ Is Pedo possibly bored with his current stalker/diaper nurse, Natalie Harp, and is casting around for a new sewage filled nappy changer? Question — will Nat go full Fatal Attraction on Prez Pedo? Are there boiled bunnies in his future? Ya know, "I'm not gonna be ignored, Don!" I could see it.

Katie’s supposedly got a law degree — she claims to have a JD from Pepperdine. Cool if true. She also says she passed the bar exam “when she moved to China,” but hasn’t or won’t name the state(s) where she took and passed said exam(s). Hmmmmm … seem fishy. I’m smelling cod just now with a hint of trout. You?

Just in case I was misreading her “when she moved to China” response — I considered that she was perhaps saying she took the exam in China so that she could practice law there. Foreigners can’t sit for the bar exam in China though. Also, foreign lawyers living in China can't interpret, advise on, or practice Chinese law. So … nope.

There is no record anywhere of her taking the bar here in the U.S., let alone passing it. So, Katie’s not a lawyer. Not even a parking lot one like the comically ornamental mouthpiece and Melania look alike, Alina Habba.

She’s just someone with a law degree … allegedly. 

Back to her performance. Remember, I just saw a tiny bit and it was without sound or context. What I came away with was that this was some impatient, privileged, prima donna, adolescent type who’s never been in a professional setting and has absolutely no idea how to behave or present herself in such an environment. 

• She didn’t hold her head relatively still as she spoke. Instead she seemed to twitch, tilt, swirl, and turn — she was in near constant motion. Almost like she was having some sort of seizure.
• Her hair (hair extensions) continually fell into her face which was exceptionally distracting. After a minute I just wanted to scream — GET YOUR HAIR OUT OF YOUR FACE, YOU’RE NOT AT A DISCO!!! 
• The facial expressions! Goodness, this chica clearly has ZERO emotional intelligence, professionalism, or the maturity you’d expect from a high school graduate. I felt as though I was watching a 12-year-old having a tantrum with their mother. 

WHY can’t I go to the mall?! Sheila’s mom is letting her go! EVERYONE else’s mother lets them go! You’re SO UNFAIR!

Online commenters have said she was comically bad. That she could barely read the script she’d been given. More than a few remarked that they’re hoping she lasts because she’s just SO laughably, screamingly bad.

Malcolm Ferguson at The New Republic wrote:

Her cadence was clunky, closer to that of a fourth grader reading school announcements over an intercom than a polished political communications professional. It’s clear she was never meant to be more than another blonde conservative placeholder on Fox News. The SNL spoof feels imminent.

This woman is actually 42 and the mother of FOUR children. I can only hope the spawn are being raised by intelligent, subversive nannies.

And then there was her bizarre presumptive announcement that “We have asked the ambassador (of Greece) to resign.” Very interesting that the spokesperson who just got there feels so comfortable using a personal pronoun about an executive office decision.

Also too, normally some admin type would put out a statement saying the Ambassador will be making a statement soon. Gargoyle would have been allowed to announce her resignation. Saying she has been asked to resign is *cough* unusual.

I hope she has at least another time or two at the podium before showtime Saturday. Ya know, to give the SNL cast a little more material. From her first brief performance, it looks like she could easily become a regular feature, like Weekend Update.