These Are NOT Bright Humans

I mean, DUH-HUH!!!

Kegseth abruptly fired Navy Secretary John Phelan. Awfully inconvenient timing, wouldn’t you say? I mean, we are in the middle of a war and that Gulf of Hormuz (or Gulf of Vermouth as the Drunk Administration calls it) is rather critical. Right?

The sources said Hegseth in effect blamed Phelan for not going aggressively enough against Senator Mark Kelly after appearing in a video in which the senator advised troops to ignore “illegal orders”. (source) 

So, Phelan got the ax because he, more or less, agreed that sailors have a duty to disobey unlawful orders. Unlawful orders defined as violating the Constitution or US or international laws like those of the Geneva Convention. Plastered Pete's ultra fragile manhood, naturally, felt threatened.

Phelan’s replacement? Acting Navy secretary Hung Cao. He has a typical Republican backstory in that there’s some obvious lies about his past. He claims to have been "completely" disabled after he was “blown up” in combat but he was never given a Purple Heart. Huh.

Eligibility for a Purple Heart applies to service members who suffered a wound: 1) As the direct or indirect result of enemy action, and 2) The wound required treatment by a medical officer at the time of the injury. (source) 

There’s also no record of him receiving the Navy’s Combat Action Ribbon.

The principal eligibility criterion is that the individual must have participated in a bona fide ground or surface combat fire-fight or action during which he/she was under enemy fire and his/her performance while under fire was satisfactory. (source)  

Gee, I’d think that if he’d really been “blown up,” as he’d claimed, he’d at least have a Combat Action Ribbon if not that and a Purple Heart. Still he claims to be completely disabled from being “shot at and blown up in Iraq, Afghanistan, Somalia.”

Four retired Navy and Army officers who reviewed Cao’s service record said it was unusual for a sailor severely wounded in combat in Iraq or Afghanistan not to have received a Purple Heart or the Navy’s Combat Action Ribbon. (source) 

Stolen valor much, Hung Cao?

Prez Pedo and his crew of crack incompetents sure can pick winners, can’t they? I guess we can just be grateful that no allegations or convictions for rape and/or pedophilia have come out … so far.

According to Iran’s Ministry of Health 3,375 people have now been killed in Pedo and Bibi’s attacks on Iran. There are also 2,294 dead in Lebanon from Israel’s attacks. 

On the other side of the coin, 26 Israelis, 13 US soldiers, and 28 people in various Gulf states have been killed.

118 Iraqis are now dead thanks to Trump and Netanyahu’s war of choice. 

Most of them (the Iraqis) were members of the Popular Mobilisation Forces (PMF) paramilitary group, some units of which are aligned with Iran. (source) 

Right this second, that's a total of 5, 854 total dead humans. Dead for absolutely no good reason.

Israel, as of this morning, is blowing up residential neighborhoods in the southern Lebanese city of Bint Jbeil. So much for the  Lebanon-Israel peace talks, eh?

What makes these right wing fuckheads so insanely bloodthirsty? Were they not breastfed long enough? Did someone steal Bibi’s favorite binky? Did Pedo’s Klan belonging father, Fred, shit in his son’s Cheerios every morning? Did his illegal alien mother gas him with hairspray each morning, thus crippling his already barely functioning brain?

I’d really like to know!

Send in the Clowns

The US doesn’t have a government – we have a flaming clown car flying down Main Street at 100mph. It’s manned by a mob of drunk weasels in puke stained trench coats who are desperately trying to come up with their next great lie, their next lunatic cover story to explain away the mad king’s latest bloated ego and dementia fueled outburst.  

This is, of course, no surprise to you.

No wonder the clowns are all always either plastered like Pete the Secretary of War Crimes, blind drunk and out-for-the-count like FBI Director Krazy Kash  or driving the train like lil’ Marco the supposed Secretary of State whose job doesn’t seem to include diplomatic efforts with Iran. Hmmm, interesting that.

Bill Day

The latest substance abuser to fall? Andrew Hugg, the U.S. Army's Branch Chief for Chemical Nuclear Surety. Sounds like a serious gig. What’s it entail, basically?

His official Army duties include overseeing personnel reliability programs and leading insider-threat work for the transport of radioactive material, according to public-facing professional bios. These are the systems designed to ensure that individuals trusted with sensitive assets are beyond reproach in their discretion and emotional stability. 

Professional profiles previously associated with Hugg also listed a role as a member of the Senior Technical Staff at Oak Ridge National Laboratory, a position that sits at the heart of nuclear weapons and non-proliferation research. (source) 

Tom Toro

Andrew Hugg was apparently trying to get laid and, clearly believing sensitive national security tidbits are aphrodisiacs, started dropping government secrets like oysters, chocolate cover strawberries, and perfectly twisted joints. 

He told the woman he'd just met about plans to assassinate Iran’s latest supreme leader. He confirmed that children have been killed in US strikes, saying they were “collateral damage – they [kids] always die during war.”  He talked about US missile-launch detection systems and how the military handles launch messages. He said the military still uses nerve agents.

Stunningly and unironically, Andy says to the woman “the easiest way to get intelligence…send a pretty girl, talk to the guy…I have to resist your eyes.” Sheesh! I wonder if Randy Andy ever thinks with his brain instead of his dick. The woman was an undercover reporter and she was recording.

Dude was escorted out of the Pentagon. Frankly, I’m a little surprised. I would’ve thought Plastered Pete the rapey, war crimes, dry drunk secretary would have, like, totally understood and given him a pass. Stands to reason, given Pete's Signalgate past and all.

Interestingly, Andy’s sting was set up and reported by James O’Keefe. Remember him? O’Keefe is the far-right political provocateur who, in the past, hasn’t been above editing his videos to create false narratives. He’s all right-wing RAH-RAH-RAH + ego + theater. Ethics and reality be damned. Has this video been edited to make Andy appear worse than he already does? 

OMG [O'Keefe Media Group] said parts of the video were redacted because they contained what it described as intimate details about the U.S. nuclear arsenal, including discussion about missiles located underground. (source) 

As it is, it’s gonna be really hard for the old boy to talk his way out of this.

When your Iran War Is Going SO Bad…..

I mean, it’s going hideously, embarrassingly, shit-your-pants-while-giving-a-book-report-in-5th-grade bad. Don the Con’s found himself self neck-deep in toxically soiled Depends and no one’s coming to bail his capacious ass out. He's burnt WAY too many bridges.

What’s a cretinous, rabid rat, who's grown grotesquely obese on the suffering and lifeblood of others to do?

Dimwit Don’s Epstein Fury distraction buddy has fucked him over good on the ceasefire and continues to bomb the shit out of Lebanon. Why? Apparently Netanyahu was in a solid snit about that ceasefire. He didn’t like it AT ALL. Bibi wanted to bomb more innocents – he wanted to kill more people, spill more blood. So he did. 300 more people died because Donnie’s war bestie Bibi had a temper tantrum

Others have speculated that the attack – without warning and initially hitting more than 100 targets in 10 minutes including in densely populated residential areas in central Beirut – was aimed at undermining the US-Iran ceasefire that many see as being imposed on an unhappy Netanyahu.
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The Israeli strikes came despite the fact that Hezbollah had said it had been “notified of a ceasefire” and had been “committed to it since this morning”, according to Lebanese political sources.
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Netanyahu’s justification for such a horrific attack on civilian centres hours after the ceasefire had been announced appeared thin at least. His boasts about killing an aide to Qassem and his insistence of Israel’s right to continuing striking in Lebanon suggested to some that it was an attempt to act as a spoiler in a ceasefire he had argued against. (source) 

What’s a yutz from Queens gonna do when his back’s against the wall and his buddies are fucking him blind?  

Push the old soft porn model he married out in front of the cameras to lie and humiliate herself. Hey, it’s her turn to play the world’s stupidest human. Except for that empty headed, tone deaf, astoundingly ridiculous, propaganda “documentary,” Pedo’s been driving the technicolor crazy clownshit bus lately.

And sure, we’ll call Bezos' billionaire to billionaire bribe a “documentary.” Of course this just means I’m gonna to start referring to Debbie Does Dallas as serious sports journalism.

Melania claims she wasn’t friends with Epstein or Maxwell. Mel lies about as well as that stupid, orange makeup-plastered, weasel shit factory she’s married to though. In their email exchanges, Maxwell calls Mel "Sweet pea." Dunno about you but I call ALL my very casual acquaintances "Sweet pea." Don't you? 🙄

Melania addressed Ghislaine as “G” and signed off with Love. Kind of belies the whole casual correspondence claim, eh?

Mel says she “never had a relationship” with old Jeffy, the child raping, blackmailing, alleged Israeli spy BUT it’s common knowledge that Donnie and his bestie used to trade women and victimized children back and forth like toys. Who can we believe? Absolutely none of them, that's for damn sure.

The First Heaux said the claims of her relationship with Epstein and Maxwell were “defaming her reputation.”

Oh honey…
A) Her rep’s never been above gutter level. She defamed her own self when she hitched her g-string to the Epstein/Trump child rape, torture, trafficking, and blackmail machine. There’s too many pictures—she can’t successfully lie her way out now. 

B) The most honest thing she's said? “I am not Epstein’s victim.” No shit. She was a willing player. She was fucking her way into fame and fortune. What she got instead was infamy and fortune. Close enough if you’re born without a soul, ethics, or self-respect, I guess.

"The lies linking me with the disgraceful Jeffrey Epstein need to end today.” 

Or what, Babe? 

You know, discovery’s an unforgiving bitch. The Epstein files can and will be opened up more if she continues to make a big fuss and sue. It’s assumed by pretty much everyone around the world that she’s on the game and that Pedo’s just her main client now.

I’m going to bet Iran has the full Trumpstein files and videos. Maybe Mel’s little foot stomping presser is a precursor to a new, nasty, XXX rated LEGO video courtesy of Iran's clever trollworks.

I can't wait! Also, thank you for your attention to this matter.

Chucklehead Corner

We're gonna need a bigger clown car.

I imagine you’ve already read how the editor-in-chief of The Atlantic, Jeffrey Goldberg, was accidentally included in a Signal group chat discussing plans to bomb the Houthis in Yemen. 

The group included VP Vance, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth, Secretary of State Marco Rubio, national security adviser Mike Waltz, National Intelligence Director Tulsi Gabbard, CIA Director John Ratcliffe, deputy chief of staff Stephen Miller, Envoy to the Middle East Steve Witkoff and others.

HOW did this happen?

• Could it have been a purposeful leak attempt? If so, who’s the heroic leaker?
• Is Kegseth (not a typo) in Trumpy’s doghouse now?
• Will ANYONE be held accountable for this incredibly boneheaded, middle school level, colossal fuck up?

The National Security Agency sent out an operational security special bulletin to its employees in February 2025 warning them of vulnerabilities in using the encrypted messaging application Signal, according to internal NSA documents obtained by CBS News.
   ~~~
The NSA is an arm of the Defense Department and specializes in signals intelligence — which is derived from electronic transmissions — and cybersecurity. The agency is responsible for monitoring, collecting and processing information and data for U.S. national security interests. 
   ~~~
"A vulnerability has been identified in the Signal Messenger Application. The use of Signal by common targets of surveillance and espionage activity has made the application a high value target to intercept sensitive information," the internal bulletin begins. (source)

The Department of Defense controls the NSA. That’s Kegseth’s department. I would think that, given his very own damn department’s warnings about Signal (issued just last month), drunk, rapey, frat boy Pete would have known that using the app wasn’t smart.

The advisory states "Russian professional hacking groups are employing the 'linked devices' feature to spy on encrypted conversations." It goes on to note that Google has also identified Russian hackers who are targeting "Signal Messenger to spy on persons of interest.” (source)

Steven Witkoff was in Russia when he was added to the chat. Was Putin’s intelligence crew monitoring? Given that Trump (AKA Krasnov), Gabbard, and Musk are on Team Russia anyway, does it matter?

Ratcliffe and Gabbard claim the Yemen strike plans contained no classified information. Sure. If that’s the case, show us all the details. Make it public.

It’s outrageous that the Trump White House accidentally shared top-secret war plans with a journalist. Those should only be available to people using a public bathroom at Mar-a-Lago.
~ Borowitz Report

Mike Waltz spunout a fairy tale that The Atlantic’s Jeffrey Goldberg dastardly hacked his way into their Signal chat. At the same time, these bozos are claiming that using their personal phones and a not-so-secure app is safe/not vulnerable to hacking. Also, secret war plans aren't really secret.

Which is it you rake-stepping bumblers? Either the app is so porous that it can be easily hacked by a magazine editor (who just happened to know the times of all the pertinent exchanges) OR Signal’s encryption is so impenetrable that it’s safe for secret military attack planning discussions?

With charmless, fecal brained louts like this at the top of our government, it's totally unsurprising that the entire world is laughing at us.