I Did It!

pre-MRI selfies. I don't think I quite have a talent for this

Got through the cringingly, anticipated MRI-athon that is.

I’d been dreading yesterday’s back to back (thoracic and lumbar) MRIs for a month -- ever since The Amazing Bob had to reschedule them for me due to the health insurance cock up.

In rescheduling, he was able to get one right after the other, figuring this would be way more convenient for me. It sure would be -- one trip into town versus two, one round of rockin’ the backless hospital gowns instead of two, one needle in the arm, now two, one week blown to hell by anxiety (will I make? Can I really stay in the tube this time?), just seven, not 14 days of zen and the art of chill the fuck out meditation.

Here’s the thing though -- my anxiety levels for just one hour in the tube are at DEFCON 1. How could I possibly manage two?

Like this. I was molto eager to get these suckers done and finished AND this seemed like a good challenge for me. You know, I got through the last 2 MRIs swimmingly so why not up the anti. I AM the MRI queen after all. Hell, I used to do upwards of 16 of these suckers each year and yadda, yadda, yadda, blah, blah, blah.

My big swinging bravado got me to ixnay TAB and Jen’s kind offers to call to reschedule. ‘I just want this done!’ Accompanied by a way childish foot stamp. God DAYUM, I'm mature!

Then every muscle in my body clenched. Hard. Rebellion.

I launched into my own internal spiel:

Imagine laying on your back, arms wide on Nantasket beach -- you’re at water’s edge. The gentle waves are licking your fingertips, ambling up to caress your skin, sluicing under that space between your ass and the top of the lumbar vertebrae. Slowly -- time, at least temporarily, has no meaning -- the cool sea water creeps higher, calming and comforting.

Booster Shot

I’d be OK for a bit. Then a big league cranky mode would hit me, wrestle me to the ground, whilst I barked like George Carlin on an epic foul mouthed rant.

Phase two of chill-the-fuck-out-Donna was deployed:

breathe deep, slowly, regularly. Be conscious of your breath. Feel your heart rate slow. Release the tension from each muscle group, one by one. Do you feel the presence of tautness? Let it go, starting at your toes (Yes, your toes). Cast loose the rigidity, the strain that’s binding each muscle. Savor the new free, relaxed state of your quads, biceps, abdomen and butt. Revel in it.

So, the BIG day arroved. I’d done my meds (Lorazapam) as prescribed by the most wonderful Doctor McKenna, took the T into town, stopped at Clink for a booster shot and into the future I went.

The techs got me set up, suggested it might be wise to take one last pill before they started (it’d kick in as the effects of the first faded) and into the torpedo tube I rolled.

And it was totally fine! After the initial chill out chats and meditation crap, I settled down to imagining how I’d build giant gryphons and dragons from found materials. You see, here in Valhalla we TOTALLY need giant mythical beasts guarding our houses.

You just never know when a no good, nasty, asshole-ish vibe is gonna slip past the perimeter. And shit.