Richie Richville Magazine

Just a wee kvetch this morning. I was in the waiting room — in queue for the Magic Claustrophobia Box — when I spied a Boston Magazine. Normally I just hate this rag. Warum? There’s nothing in it for me. Check the real estate ads.They offer estates not homes.

There's an "Estate Property in the Heart of Lexington" for sale.

It's on a 39,000 square foot lot — hmmph, that’s 9,000 square feet smaller than a football field. I just don’t know that this’ll be enough space. *sniff*

It has a formal living room? I let mine take it’s tux and cummerbund off. You know, put up its feet, wear sweats and even fart if it wants.

A library. Yeah, I got one of them too — it’s every room in my damn house. Who needs insulation when you’ve got bookshelves lining nearly every wall.

There's a lovely solarium? Yeah, mine’s the front porch. There is nothing better than sitting in my Adirondack and having my cuppa while watching the dawn creep up over the sea.

Family room? Once again — that’s my whole house.

A steal at $2,400,000

Then we have this charming five bedroom Pastoral Pad in Belmont.
There may be just five (FIVE!) bedrooms but there are SEVEN full baths. You know, in case your extra house guests  would like to hunker down for the night in their very own private porcelain tiled crib.

The house itself is a paltry 8,048 square feet. Poor dear. Ah, but the sad cramped bastid’s lot size is 88+ acres AND it’s wooded. I suppose that makes up for the bitsy house size, eh?

There’s an art gallery (again, in my microscopic pad, that’s every room, every wall), a Japanese style cold plunge tub — (I’d never heard of this before and, lemme just tell you, it holds less than zero interest for me) and a steam room amongst the abundant luxuries.

All for the low, low price (going fast gang!) of $6,750.000.

And then we have the real estate seller who carries discount props, not just the mega huge who-the-fuck-can-afford-these-flopjoints.

Along with the three mil and four and a half mil stately Cambridge nests, the agent’s offering a couple of cheapies. Less than a million each — sheesh, they must be fuckin’ closets or next door to gas stations or something. Huh?

Paging through Boston Mag is always a sure fire way to piss me off. The name of the slick is BOSTON not Richie Richville Magazine. Could they please, have an article or three for those of us who don’t cook 100 large a year? Just once mebbe? If we lowly peasants are good this year?

Remember that show Dallas? I knew more than a few poor folk who watched it just to see all the opulence they'd not otherwise get an eyeful of. Nope, not my thing. If I want to go admire someone’s money I’ll...HAH, what am I saying? That's not gonna happen.

Back to the local Wealthy Person’s newsletter. It’d be nice if they could occasionally notice that there are other, valuable, beautiful, fun, interesting aspects and areas of the city and — boyhowdy — you don’t need deep pockets to enjoy them.